Breaking up is not something we aim to do when starting a relationship. You come in for the u-haul and pets, but end up having to leave. There are multiple reasons for a breakup: lost interest, want to see someone else, they are crossing your boundaries, etc. Any reason that you have to breakup with someone is valid, but we know it isn’t always easy. Here are some tips that will help to get through this time.
There is no “right time”
Honestly, people think that there is this magical time that will appear with a spotlight and a song to help guide you through this moment. Wrong. As much as you’ll try to give the excuse of “but they have this really important event” or “it’s their birthday” will just make them resent you more after you’ve done it. Or, prolong it to just have more arguments, or talk yourself into staying with them because you saw a glimmer of hope. Just do it. Rip off the band-aid, then you both can move on.
Write out your script first
When you are feeling emotional, it is hard to get out the right words. But really, what is right when feelings could be hurt? Remember, you are going into this with your truth – but that doesn’t mean you have to be rude about it (unless they cheated, then do you). Having some words to say will help you move through it efficiently, without lingering on what you wanted to say after. Don’t make it a book, quick few lines and you are done.
Get rid of the socials
There is no reason to continue following them. Clean house – stop following, hide them, delete and don’t look back. Be prepared for weird social stuff and choose not to be dramatic when you encounter them. You will be better for it, and your mutual friends will appreciate you and remember you for it.
Make sure you are safe
If you are worried about your safety, then this would be the one time I suggest doing this from a distance. Utilize the technology we have, mail their stuff back to them or give it to a trusted friend to pass along. Don’t continue to engage with them after, make your feelings known and set your boundary. Have a night with friends so that you aren’t alone and can be sure that you are safe with people.
Find new ways to occupy your time
Nothing is worse than breaking up with someone and being bored. Because that is when those thoughts of “did I make the right decision?” “omg, I miss them, maybe I should send them a text” start to creep in. Get on a new schedule, try some new hobbies and hang out with friends. You need to get to your new normal without having to fit your ex into your schedule.
Take a break from alcohol and self-destructive coping mechanisms if you can’t go there without breaking down. You don’t want to find yourself in a dark place after doing something for yourself. Find healthy hobbies. Exercise. Yoga. Journal. Meditate. Creative outlets. Reach out to friends (and professionals). Ask for help when you need it. Be kind to yourself.