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Beyond The Scene: Attracting The Opposites

Dec 01, 2013

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By Freya
We all say it. If someone isn’t who you normally go for or is completely different to you, you shrug your shoulders and say, well, opposites attract don’t they. But do they?
Now I’m not one to talk about past failings (!), but this one is probably just too good to keep to myself. I’m sitting here, hours after the experience, having had two showers and half a bottle of Baileys, and yet I still can’t get over it. I was just on a blind date.
Before these things, you think you can trust your friends because they know you well. Afterwards, you realize you can never trust them again, decide you might need to fire them and revaluate who you hang round with.
The woman I was set up with decided which restaurant we were eating at, what time and where we should go for drinks afterwards. I sometimes like being told what to do. It saves the whole ‘oh no, I don’t mind,’ polite British routine going on for hours. But this girl by the end of the night had also decided what we were eating, what I should do with my career and what foundation I should be wearing as clearly the one I wear everyday wasn’t doing much for my complexion.
The idea that opposites attract is not something I believe in. I think that, yes, you might find someone who dresses differently from you and hates the chick flicks you watch every night and still think they’re a gift from the gay girl God. But the real things; your personality, your values and even the type of work you do, have to match at some point. Otherwise you’re going to find yourself as a dentist’s wife up to your elbows in cats rowing over whose turn it is to make your vegan dinner.
This girl was an artist. And usually I love art and can spend days with Vita in art galleries admiring big paintings before heading to the gift shop and buying post card replicas to tape onto my fridge. This girl however flicked paint on canvasses and you could buy them for around the same price as a two bed flat in Peckham. Her creative side was what attracted me as well as her impressive looking shoulders. But her values could not have been more different and our personalities clashed more than Miley and Sinead on a bad day.
Even before I had sat down she had told me that she didn’t appreciate the type of plastic my jewellery was made out of as it massively harms the environment. She let me know that she has been to most of the countries in the world and asked how I don’t get bored just staying in London. She informed me that she could speak a secret tribal African language and that I should learn a new language before I got older as it would be harder for me then. Aslo, why aren’t I using reusable sanitary towels?
With Vita and Jen, I can imagine them both to be lovely parents with lovely well behaved children with lovely jobs living lovingly in a lovely home. They just fit like that. However Alex and Lauren are so completely different. Alex wants to settle down and have a family whereas Lauren is permanently strapped into her suit with her laptop in front of her taking over the world, one real estate deal at a time. Alex is funny and has a shy personality which is the reason we are not that close in our friendship group, and yet Lauren is bold and brash and will state exactly what’s on her mind, even if straight after a breakup, the last thing you want to hear is, ‘plenty more fish in the sea to lick.’ But they work.
On paper this date seemed perfect; she’s educated, she doesn’t want to settle down straight way but she does want kids, and we were the ‘perfect opposites to attract,’ as she would bring out all my best qualities. This all coming from Vita’s mouth of course.  On the tube ride there, I did that girl thing of imagining a life living in a warehouse flat with her painting all day and me writing my novels in perfect harmony. On the tube home, I waited until I had signal to scream at my cousin and contemplated buying another cat.
‘Opposites attract’ is a very general phrase and I really think it does depend on which parts of each other you are the opposite to. Otherwise you’re never going to click, and your cat won’t like them, which is awkward. Fashion, interests, food choices and what breed of butterfly you prefer, are all negotiable. Your values, and what makes you you, are not. I will continue to look for my creative girl, and will first do the very normal girl thing of completely stalking her so I even know her mother’s maiden name before meeting her.

Freya is a Londoner trying to find a life beyond the gay scene and failing at being a grownup on the regular.

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