Jul 13, 2016
You asked and Ingrid Nilsen answered – here’s what happened in our exclusive AMA with the YouTuber.
We had a pretty fun hour with Ingrid. She sat down with the Her team in LA to answer fan questions and chat.
We talked about everything – from her view on polyamory to favourite shoes (Vans!) and which Orange Is The New Black character she’s most like.
Check out below a summary of what was said. If you want to read all the other insightful Ingrid tidbits, make sure to check out the event in the app.
On if she’s ever used online dating…
I’ve never tried online dating, but I have made lots of meaningful platonic friendships via the Internet. I think as long as you enter with the intention of getting to know the other person, real connections can be made on any platform.
On how she feels about the term “gold star”…
I think the term “gold star” is harmful to the LGBTQ+ community when it’s used to shame and invalidate individual identities. Who you sleep with does not determine the value of your life. How well you love, does.
On what character of Orange Is The New Black she’s most alike…
Honestly, I think maybe I’m Red. She’s a mothering figure in the show and I definitely relate to that. Also, a badass ?
On the problem of femme invisibility…
There are *so* many femme lesbians in the world, but there’s virtually no public representation. This definitely impacts the way people view lesbians and makes it more difficult to get others to look past stereotypes. It hurts when someone tells you “you don’t *look* gay” and honestly, it’s not our responsibility to educate those who are ignorant. However, I do think we have a responsibility to ourselves, to share our stories with the intention of helping others and creating more visibility.
On what is her personal view on polyamory….
Personally, I think polyamory is great if that’s what works for the people involved. We should be able to love in whatever capacity feels genuine, and if that means loving more than one person at a time – why not? There’s definitely a stigma around this kind of relationship, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong or unhealthy about polyamory. What’s dangerous is thinking that we need to align what’s “healthy” with convention.
On what she’s been reading recently…
Two books I’ve read recently that I love: Milk and Honey + Chelsea Girls. The former is a beautiful collection of poetry and the latter is a coming of age novel written by one of my favorite (lesbian) poets, Eileen Myles!
On what are her favourite kind of shoes…
Vans sneakers! I love them all!
On what was the most negative experience of coming out…
The daily challenging of my identity on any given platform, including in real life, has definitely been one of the hardest things to process and navigate. It hurts, but I’ve also learned that my identity and the journey connected to it isn’t for other people – it’s for myself.
On how to approach long distance relationships…
LDRs are definitely difficult and take work, but so do other kinds of relationships. If you really care about each other, I think it’s worth a shot. The fear of getting hurt shouldn’t be the thing that stops you from exploring your feelings with a great person. In reality, every person we know will hurt us at some point, it’s how you navigate that hurt together that shines a truer, deeper light on your relationship.
On what it’s like being a queer woman of color…
This is *so* complex, but in short, it’s something that I’m still working through myself. I’ve found myself in this position where because I’m biracial, I sometimes “pass” for being white and other times I don’t. I’m experiencing racial privilege and discrimination often at the same time within the same body. It’s a very difficult thing to navigate personally, and I hope more stories from multiracial LGBTQ+ individuals start to become more prominent.
