Updated May 15th, 2025 by BetterHelp Editorial Team
Romantic relationships are complex connections that combine two or more lives to form a partnership, in which individuals share their personalities, emotions, thoughts, and dreams. With millions of Americans living with depression and anxiety, many people enter relationships while living with mental health conditions. If you have a partner living with an anxiety disorder or depression, you might wonder how you can best support them while still prioritizing your own mental wellness. Below, explore ways to practice self-care more effectively while still offering love and empathy.
Understanding depression and anxiety
In the US, 21 million adults live with a depressive disorder, and 63 million have an anxiety disorder. These numbers comprise a significant portion of the population, and it is likely that many individuals with these conditions are in relationships. To better understand your partner, it may be helpful to understand the symptoms more clearly. Common symptoms of depression include the following:
- A lack of pleasure and enjoyment for previously enjoyed activities
- A lack of motivation
- Prolonged sadness or numbness
- Irritability or anger
- Thoughts of death or suicide
- Changes in appetite
- Changes in sleep habits
Common symptoms of anxiety disorders include the following:
- Frequent fear, worry, and unease for no known reason
- A sense of impending doom
- Fear of being judged or embarrassed in social situations
- Physical symptoms like shakiness, sweating, gastrointestinal upset, or headaches, among others
- A specific phobia of a person, animal, situation, or object
- Racing thoughts
- Frequent reassurance-seeking, especially in the case of social anxiety
- Distrust of others and oneself
- Nightmares
What is a healthy relationship?
A healthy relationship is one in which both or all partners respect each other, cultivate trust, and communicate openly without aggression or avoidance. Healthy relationships do not involve manipulation, gaslighting, love-bombing, or frequently blocking or breaking up with the person. These behaviors are signs of emotional abuse, and a relationship involving these behaviors is not healthy. Other signs of a healthy partnership include the following:
- Physical and emotional safety
- Truthfulness and transparency
- Equality and equity
- Enjoyment of time apart
- Individual hobbies and interests
- Enjoying time together
- Making mutual choices
- Economic and financial respect and balance
- Respect for each other’s space, belongings, and money
- Healthy boundaries
- A lack of jealousy-motivated behaviors
- A lack of controlling behaviors
- Respecting each other’s unique love languages and attachment styles
- Education on healthy relationship topics
Having a relationship with someone with a mental illness doesn’t automatically make the relationship unhealthy. Many people with mental health conditions hold healthy, long-term relationships.
How to care for your partner while caring for yourself
Your partner may experience periods when their symptoms are more severe, and you may wonder how to support them best while still caring for yourself. Below are some ways to maintain a healthy relationship.
Maintain healthy boundaries
Ensure you know your boundaries surrounding when and how you can offer help. For example, if you’re having a difficult day and are highly overwhelmed, you might not be able to offer as much support or reassurance to your partner. You might set a boundary by letting them know you need space for the night, but are open to talking the next day, and then hug them to reassure them that you’re not upset.
If your partner frequently asks for reassurance or relies on you to support their every need, this dynamic may not be healthy. You may remind them that you need your own time to focus on your own mental health, although you still want to be a support system to them and love them. It’s okay to tell someone you don’t want to talk for a few hours while you focus on work. However, try to tell your partner a time when you’ll be back to talk to them so they know you’re not avoiding them.
Practice self-care
Practicing self-care can help you maintain your mental health, which may increase the energy you have to offer in supporting your loved ones. Below are self-care activities to consider:
- Journal about your feelings
- Write a pros and cons list to come to a difficult decision
- Spend time in nature
- Exercise or get some form of physical movement in each day (such as walking, dancing, or exercising at the gym)
- Talk to loved ones and keep a healthy community around
- Spend time with friends, not only when your partner is present
- Play with your pets (if applicable)
- Create art, such as a poem, painting, or jewelry
- Learn a new skill, such as a language or trade
- Create gifts for people you love
- Practice your love language with yourself
- Have a self-soothing night to take a break from everyone and be alone to relax
Practice non-violent communication and support
When supporting your partner, use non-violent, non-aggressive, and non-passive approaches. Be direct, kind, and even-toned. Don’t raise your voice, even if you’re frustrated. Instead, listen actively to your partner by listening to try to understand their point of view instead of listening to respond. Even if you don’t understand where they’re coming from, try to find a part of what they’ve expressed to validate. You might use statements like, “I can see how that must be scary.” You can also ask open-ended questions, such as, “How do you feel about that?”
Finding mental health support
Supporting your own mental health can be as important as supporting a partner, and you don’t have to have a mental illness to talk to a therapist. With an online platform like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples, you can get support quickly from home. Online platforms can connect you with one of over 30,000 licensed therapists specializing in various areas of mental wellness. In addition, you can access weekly support groups, journaling prompts, and worksheets.
Online therapy has been found especially effective for couples seeking support. In one study, most couples preferred online options to in-person treatment due to the ease of access. They also reported being more comfortable with the video format, as it allowed them to open up more with their therapists about complex topics.
Takeaway
When your partner has been diagnosed with an anxiety or depressive disorder, it can be hard to know how to offer support while still respecting your own well-being. Consider the tips above or reach out to a therapist online or in your area to receive more personalized advice.
