Now more than ever, us gays need some laughs. I’ve gone ahead and spent hours doing something that quite literally nobody asked for. I went into a deep and hearty internet dive looking for a list of the best, and funniest bisexual jokes.
From bisexual dad jokes to bisexual coming out jokes, and bisexual puns — I’ve got you covered. So, let’s dive in!
1. The gag is that they are not wrong. One of my bisexual awakenings.
If you were to ask me, the Princess Diaries 2 was a very gay movie. Am I in love with Princess Mia? Am I in love with Nicholas Devereaux (aka Chris Pine)? The mom? Her best friend (who was definitely queer), Lilly? Joe?! It was an experience, to say the least.
I — listen. In my defense, men tend to be easier to be bold and unhinged with but women?!!? I’m trying to love them RIGHT. I’m trying to find me a wife. Build a home. Adopt a cat. How am I supposed to be nonchalant and aloof with a woman?!?! The math just wouldn’t math.
The thing about these kinds of memes is that they make me realize that there really are no original experiences. 2010 me would’ve rathered drink dirty bathwater than come out to my family. 2023 me is out and proud — the growth!
4. I don’t plan on apologizing for the person I’m going to become once this movie comes out.
I can’t tell you what I would do if I saw these two just out and about on my block. Heave. Weep. Ask for their hand in marriage. I mean, the queer panic runs deep. My two loves.
In my defense my back hurts from carrying the weight of being the funniest person in any given space. I had to find some way to healthily cope with years of trauma! Glad it was a humor plug in.
I am so sorry in advance that I’m suggesting that you watch this. Warning: you might feel incredibly seen. You also, might not! Obvi, not all of us bisexuals are the same. That being said, have I asked to do this to every man I’ve been with? Yeah. Have 80% of them been down like a clown? Also yes. Thank you, kings.
9. It’s not our fault these are the most comfortable positions!!!
I’m not kidding when I tell you that you will find me in any one of this stances if I’m standing, at any given moment. It’s in our bisexual DNA! Ask science!
What I will say, though, is my mom will make it a point to bring up the fact that I’m bisexual to all of her friends. It’s cute, sure. But straight people parents don’t go around being like, “Did you know that Jeremy likes women? As in, he sleeps with women!” Brownie points for trying, and always making things a little weird.
The thing I love most about this is the fact that I will do my best to keep this out of my fathers eyes if it kills me. He would absolutely and cetifiably repeat this any chance he got. Sending him some horse blinders in the mail and hoping for the best.
Reddit is an underrated source of excellent material. The comment section threads are probably the funniest place on the internet and I just want to thank all of the active Reddit users of the world for making me cackle at 2am, without fail, in the darkness of my room. Am I supposed to be asleep? Yes. That’s beside the point. 8am me will figure it out.
This had me on the floor. Dropped to my knees just to laugh. Let out an audible scream. Please, people — never stop being wild and out of pocket on comment threads. It’s all I have left.
Did I just add my own mediocre pun? Yes. Back when I lived with three other girls, our shoerack looked like a Dr. Martens outlet store. One pair in every size, baby! You know how it is.
The answer is no, there aren’t. I will find every queer goth girl within a 3 mile radius, and every tired soft boy within a 30 minute bike ride of my home. You might call that being delusional, I call it being crafty.
Check. Check. Check. Check — you get the point. By the way, did I mention that I’m gay?
bi culture is: -saying “im gay” -saying “i fucking love girls” -saying “i fucking love boys” -listening to Girls Like Girls by Hayley Kiyoko -listening to Girls/Girls/Boys by Panic! At The Disco -nose rings -went through an emo phase -“i’m gay”
— caitlin is a hot mess (@nico_trxnch) June 17, 2018
18. You will always find me at the intersection of gay and Guy Fieri.
I know that Guy Fieri is the straightest man on the face of the earth. That being said, he’s still a queer icon TO ME! I won’t be taking any questions. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
19. Ninja_ninetales_909 got me with this one, I can’t even lie.
If I had to sum up my sexuality — I’d do it by repeating everything in this Reddit thread, verbatim. I swing both ways, and I need to start lowering the volume on my earbuds. “Wait, sorry, what?”
20. This is just tender humor that I can appreciate.
But I’m actually obsessed. You know, not all of the jokes will land. That’s true. But one thing does remain constant and that’s that us biseuxals will find a way to keep the masses on their toes and entertained! To gayness!
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