#SponsoredContent – Updated April 2nd, 2025 by BetterHelp Editorial Team
Abuse happens in all types of relationships, including between partners in queer relationships or between those who identify as LGBTQ+. Although abuse is not often explored in these contexts, queer individuals who are healing from past relationship trauma may feel alone and scared as they navigate challenging symptoms and experiences. Below, explore how to work through these traumas, find support, and connect with resources.
How past relationship trauma can impact mental and physical health?
Relationship traumas, such as experiencing abuse, the loss of a partner, or toxic behaviors, can be challenging and lead to several adverse effects. Studies show that abuse can be so severe that it may lead to heart disease, especially in women. In addition, abuse can lead to physical sickness and inflammation, changing a person’s nervous system and making it more challenging to make mentally healthy decisions. Some people who have experienced relationship traumas develop mental illnesses like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety disorders, depression, or chronic stress.
Working through trauma from abuse in queer partnerships
When relationship trauma is discussed in the public eye, it is often explored through the lens of heterosexual and cisnormative relationships. People in queer relationships are often not represented, especially men in relationship with men and women dating women.
People frequently assume that abuse or trauma is inflicted by a man against a woman. However, when a woman abuses another woman, they may be invalidated or face stigma and a lack of support resources. Their abuse may also not be taken as seriously, and people may not believe that the abuse has the potential to harm the individuals physically or lead to death, even though all people who are being abused are at risk of being harmed.
When working through trauma due to intimate partner violence or another situation in a queer partnership, know that you’re not alone. The Human Rights Campaign reports that women, trans people, and non-binary people are more likely than cisgender and heterosexual peers to experience this type of abuse. In addition, bisexual women and lesbian women are at the highest risk.
The importance of queer mental health
People in the LGBTQ+ community are at a higher risk of mental health conditions and chronic stress. LGBTQ+ youth aged 12 to 24 may be at a higher risk than adults, but adults can also be impacted. According to the American Psychiatric Association, LGBTQ+ adults are more than twice as likely as heterosexual individuals to develop a mental disorder.
In a sample study of LGBTQ+ youth, researchers found that those with a community of people with their identity felt safer and accepted and had a greater sense of belonging. In addition, these youth felt more secure with their future, believed in themselves more, and had stronger relationships with family members.
How to care for yourself?
If you’ve experienced abuse in a romantic or sexual partnership or have experienced any trauma that is negatively impacting you, consider the following bits of advice.
Embrace authenticity and joy in identity
Finding joy and authenticity in yourself is one way to move forward from trauma in your past relationships. If your partner tore you down, made you believe you were not attractive, or didn’t want you to be your true self, being single gives you the chance to do so. If you’re seeking new partners, be intentional about who you let into your life.
Be yourself at all first dates, and don’t continue to see people who don’t respect or understand certain aspects of you. Continue to wear the outfits you enjoy, get to know your style, and live life to the fullest. Living with confidence, even if you aren’t confident, may help you build this skill over time.
Find a healthy community and resources
Studies show that community is one of the most important indicators of health and wellness for those in the LGBTQ+ community. Below are a few resources you might use to find other people who have similar experiences and build a chosen family:
- LGBTQ+ community centers
- Drag shows and LGBTQ+ nights
- Hobby groups, such as writing groups or a book club
- LGBTQ-specific events, such as sapphic dance nights or gay bars holding karaoke nights
- Sober LGBTQ+ groups
- Support groups for people who have gone through trauma
- Therapy groups
- Local art shows and events
- Local slam poetry or art nights
- Open mic nights
- Classes, such as language classes or classes at a university
- University clubs
Practice self-care
Self-care is essential to caring for yourself after a trauma. Self-care can involve physical steps to protect your health, such as hygiene habits, exercise, and eating nutritious meals. However, self-care can also be fun, involving hobbies, creativity, and spending time with loved ones. Find ways to prioritize yourself in daily life and surround yourself with healthy people who validate and protect you.
Talk to a therapist
A therapist can be a helpful resource for you as you heal from past relationship trauma, especially if you’re experiencing symptoms of a condition like PTSD. With a therapist, you can explore these symptoms in detail and receive LGBT-affirming care. If you struggle to find a therapist like this in your area, you may consider an online therapist through a platform like BetterHelp.
With an online therapist, you can get support from home via phone, video, or live chat. In addition, you can connect with a provider who has experience working with and validating the trauma of queer individuals. Studies also back up the impact of online interventions for the LGBTQ+ community, finding them significantly effective in reducing the risk of suicide, anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress.
Takeaway
Trauma from past relationships can be difficult to overcome, especially for LGBTQ+ individuals who may not be sure where to turn or how to find community and resources. The above tips may help you start to heal from your trauma. However, if you’re struggling significantly to move forward, consider working with a therapist online or in your area.
