Robyn Exton, Jill O'Sullivan, Mook Phanpinit
Robyn is the CEO & Founder of HER. Find her on Twitter.
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Robyn Exton, Jill O'Sullivan, Mook Phanpinit
Apr 03, 2026
If you’ve ever paused mid-scroll and thought, “wait… aro vs ace… what’s the difference again?” you’re definitely not the only one. These identities get grouped together a lot (and they actually can overlap), but they’re actually talking about different experiences of attraction.
And in sapphic spaces, where we’re already rewriting the rules of dating? Understanding that difference just makes everything feel clearer, softer, and way more aligned.
On HER, you can literally show up as you are (whether that’s aromantic, asexual, both, or still figuring it out) and match based on what actually feels right for you. Romance, companionship, something in between… all valid.
Asexuality and aromanticism are often linked, but they’re not the same thing.
Both exist on spectrums, so you might hear identities like gray-ace, demiromantic, or aroace (both aromantic and asexual).
The key idea here is the split-attraction model, or basically, that romantic and sexual attraction don’t always line up. Once you get that, a lot of things click.
| Type | Attraction focus | Common experiences |
| Asexual | Little to no sexual attraction | May desire romance, closeness, or partnership without sex |
| Aromantic | Little to no romantic attraction | May enjoy sex or deep companionship without romantic feelings |
| Aroace | Both aromantic and asexual | Often seek strong emotional bonds outside typical romance or sexuality |
On HER, you can reflect this directly on your profile with Pride Pins or identity labels, which makes connecting feel a lot more natural (and way less like explaining yourself from scratch every time).
Romantic attraction is the desire for emotional closeness or partnership. Think: wanting to date, commit, or show affection within a romantic frame. Sexual attraction relates to the pull toward physical or sexual intimacy, which can exist independently from romance.
| Type of attraction | Typical desire | Dating example |
| Romantic | Emotional closeness, partnership, love | Wanting someone to be your partner or “person” |
| Sexual | Physical or sexual intimacy | Wanting intimacy without necessarily forming a romance |
So:
Once you separate those two, dating stops feeling like a confusing checklist and starts feeling more like… choose your own adventure.
Because attraction shows up differently, dating goals can look different, too.
| Dating goal | Common in aromantic dating | Common in asexual dating |
| Queerplatonic partnership | Yes | Sometimes |
| Romantic relationship | Rare | Often |
| Sexual involvement | Varies | Low or none |
| Companionship/cohabitation | Common | Common |
On HER, you can be super clear about what you’re looking for, whether that’s friendship, QPR, or romance, and actually find people who are on the same page.
If you’ve ever wanted something deeper than friendship but not quite romance, this is where QPRs (queerplatonic relationships) come in.
They’re committed, emotionally rich partnerships that don’t follow traditional labels. Think:
A lot of aromantic people find QPRs really fulfilling because they center connection without forcing it into a “romance” box.
For many asexual people, romance is still very much on the table… and very much wanted.
These relationships might focus on:
What intimacy looks like can vary a lot, which is why communication matters, but the core is the same: connection without pressure.
This is where things get easier (and honestly, better).
Being upfront about what you want helps you find people who already get it.
Some examples:
On HER, using Pride Pins and filling out your “looking for” section makes all of this visible from the start. Less guessing, more alignment.
Different spaces offer different vibes, and not all apps and sites are created equal.
| Platform | Focus | Highlights |
| HER | Queer and ace-inclusive | Pride Pins, orientation options, broader sapphic community |
| AceSpace | Ace/aro-specific | Free QPR-friendly messaging |
| ACEapp | Asexual connection | Filter by attraction types, smaller user base |
While niche platforms foster instant understanding, HER balances inclusivity with visibility, linking users across cities and queer identities in a safe, expressive space.
| Type | Pros | Cons |
| Niche ace/aro apps | Shared understanding, no need to over-explain, clear orientation tools | Smaller user pools, limited reach |
| Mainstream queer apps | Large communities, robust features, diverse connection types | Occasional stereotypes or misunderstandings |
HER bridges both (queer-specific yet ace-inclusive) so users can set clear boundaries and find authentic, affirming connections.
Let’s be honest. Sometimes you will have to explain your identity. Sometimes people won’t get it right away. And that’s okay.
That’s also not a you problem.
The best way through is:
Whether that’s through apps, groups, or just finding your people, it makes a huge difference.
Yes. Many asexual people feel romantic attraction and form meaningful romantic relationships even without sexual attraction.
Being aromantic isn’t a choice. It simply means experiencing little or no romantic attraction.
State your boundaries early in your profile or messages, and use HER’s pride pins or labels to keep them visible.
Aromantic people often form queerplatonic or companionate relationships, while asexual people may prefer romance without sexual expectations.
Join queer-centered spaces like HER or ace/aro community groups where expressing your identity feels natural and safe.
Robyn Exton, Jill O'Sullivan, Mook Phanpinit
Robyn is the CEO & Founder of HER. Find her on Twitter.
