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Got a match? Ask these spicy questions on a first date to make sparks fly 

Robyn Exton

Sep 02, 2023

Got a match? Ask these spicy questions on a first date to make sparks fly 
  • Have you matched with someone on the HER app yet? The flirty banter might be hot, but how can you make sure the chemistry is there when you meet up? Well, sometimes you just gotta ask! We know that’s not the easiest task, but we’re here to help you out with a list of spicy questions to ask on a first date that will reveal if your match can light the fire within. 🔥

    How do you ask spicy questions?

    Different personalities require different methods. If you’re a little shy, try going for innuendos or phrasing it like an innocent question, which could get a spicy answer if the other person catches it. If you’re the bold type, then you should have no problem with going straight to the point and asking exactly what you want to know.

    The crucial part here is to consider your date’s boundaries, you don’t want to make the other person uncomfortable. Some tips for covering that part are:

    • Be straightforward with your intentions – By saying or hinting that you want to eventually have sex, you’ll know by their reaction if asking them spicy questions is the way to go.
    • Checking in is a must – Remember, consent is sexy af! Try starting the sentence with “Is it okay if I ask something personal/risqué?” 
    • Catch their body language – Are they looking at your lips? Playing footsie? Maybe touching your hand? Then you’re probably in it to get it on.
    • Get ready to switch things up – Try to also think of questions that let their personality shine. That way, you’re left with no awkward silences.
      Don’t turn it into an interview – There’s no need to ask every single question in this list, just the ones that flow naturally within your conversation!

    Be flirty and get the juicy deets with these questions

    Let’s get ready for the first round of conversation topics with your new boo. This section is all about the sweet and personal questions that will make them stop and think for an extra second.

    1. What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done?

    Their answer could be a dangerous hike through a National Park or wearing a full pleather suit in bed, which will tell you a lot about them with a simple sentence.

    1. What’s your guilty pleasure?

    Is it binge-watching the last 3 seasons of Glee for the 17th time, or is it a secret fetish? Either answer will keep you wondering more and more.

    1. What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received, and why did it mean so much to you?

    Knowing what makes them feel confident is key to making intimacy work!

    1. Do you have any hidden skills or talents?

    For example, some people can roll their tongues into unusual shapes or play the piano like a pro, and those powers might be useful later if the date goes well.

    1. What’s your favorite way to spend a lazy Sunday morning?

    How about some breakfast in bed, wink wink.

    Sexy and steamy queries to spice things up

    Ready to get raunchier? Set the mood and turn the heat up with these really spicy questions!

    1. If you had to choose a body part that you find the sexiest, what would it be?

    Long legs, luscious lips, seductive eyes, so many options! If they’re into you, they’ll probably mention something about you, so use that information as you please.

    1. What’s the sexiest song that never fails to get you in the mood?

    Take notes, and make sure to add it to your playlist, bestie! 

    1. Can you share a hot activity you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t yet?

    It can go from a new way to set the mood or innovative foreplay, to the wildest fantasy in their bucket list, so buckle up!

    1. Describe a scent or fragrance that drives you wild 

    It could be your next date night perfume choice, the perfect aromatic candle to enhance the atmosphere, or even a dessert that can go before the “main course”.

    1. What’s your go-to move when you’re trying to create a steamy atmosphere?

    When you ask this, don’t forget to mention that you’re a visual learner. 

    1. Top 3 favorite positions?

    Allow yourselves to fantasize about them and build up the tension so you can put those positions to the test.

    1. What’s the craziest location you’ve had a steamy encounter at?

    Whether it’s a parking lot in the car or in the middle of the forest, even just the living room couch, you’ll get an idea of what you’re getting into.

    1. What’s your take on incorporating roleplay in the bedroom?

    Take those Halloween costumes for a year-round spin and spice things up with your acting skills.

    1. What’s a word you believe your past sexual partners would use to describe you?

    Better than a Yelp review, this can also give you a look into how they see themselves or what they want to achieve in bed.

    1. How about we go somewhere more private?

    Time to hurry and let out all that sexual energy you’ve been accumulating for the whole date!

    IRL examples of spicy questions going great

    Couples game night

    “I love playing question games with my husband. You get so many good ideas about what they might be into or want to try. Like 98% of the time the game ends with super fun sex.”

    Reddit user crittab

    Open and honest

    Here is what I’ve found works most of the time (mileage may vary), start with this: ‘Can I ask you a question about sex?’. My wife will say yes almost every time, but just asking for permission allows her a moment to switch gears and relax.”

    Reddit user omibus

    The queer side

    “I’m queer, but my experience is mostly with cis-hetero men, definitely, the root of the issue is that straight people have been taught a script to follow. TV, books, porn, and even sex education is targeted to cis-straight people. First you kiss, penis is hard, penis goes in and out vagina, sperm and you’re done. Queer people have to learn by themselves how to have sex, what they like, how they want to be touched etc, without a strict guideline. So it’s a given there has to be communication.”

    Reddit user im_clementine

    Now that you’ve read some examples and have an arsenal of possible questions to ask, you can go get ready for something hot n’ heavy! Remember to prioritize your and your date’s comfort at all times, be aware of social cues, and, most importantly, have safe fun and enjoy meeting up with your HER match. 😉

    Robyn Exton

    Robyn is the CEO & Founder of HER. Find her on Twitter.

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