Talking about sexual health with a doctor can feel awkward, especially if you’ve ever had to correct assumptions like, “So what birth control are you on?” or “but could you be pregnant though?” when that’s not even the conversation. We’ve all been there.
If you’re wondering how to talk to your doctor about sexual health as a lesbian, here’s the truth: a few simple moves can completely shift the vibe. Set the agenda early. Describe what’s actually happening in your body. Ask for tests and prevention that match how you actually have sex (yes, toys and oral sex both count).
Many primary care clinicians don’t bring these topics up on their own. One report found family doctors are far less likely than OB/GYNs to initiate sexual health conversations unless patients do it first. So, your voice matters from the minute you seek professional advice (see this overview on how family doctors approach sex talks).
In seven bite-size steps, here’s how to make that happen without the cringe, without shrinking yourself, and without pretending your sex life is hypothetical.
1. Bring a one-line opening statement
Open strong. Don’t bury it under small talk.
Family doctors are significantly less likely than OB/GYNs to bring up sexual issues unless you go first (as reported in research on primary care conversations about sex). So you need to go first.
Sexual health is a state of physical, emotional, mental, and social well-being in relation to sexuality, and not just the absence of disease or dysfunction. That includes desire, pain, pleasure, prevention, and everything in between.
Try one of these:
“I want to talk about my sexual health and my partners.”
“I’m starting a new relationship and want to check what screening I need.”
“I’ve noticed pain during sex and want to figure out what’s going on.”
“This is a routine check-in about STI screening and prevention that fits how I have sex.”
If you say it all up front, your doctor can focus faster… And you skip the awkward detour into irrelevant assumptions.
Source: See this summary showing that family doctors often don’t initiate sex talks without patient cues (Family doctors and sex discussions).
2. Use ‘I’ statements and describe concrete symptoms
Specific beats vague every single time.
“I” statements keep the conversation centered on your body and your experience, and not someone else’s interpretation of it. Many sexual health programs recommend saying what you feel, when you feel it, and what you want to understand next (see this practical guide to sexual health conversations).
Why does this matter? Because plenty of general clinicians feel undertrained or hesitant to ask detailed sexual questions unless you give clear info first (again, see family doctor data above). Your details are the map.
Swap this → for this:
Vague language
Specific, useful language
“I’m just tired, I guess.”
“For the past 4 weeks I’ve had low desire and vaginal dryness.”
“Sex has been weird.”
“I’ve had sharp pain on the left side during penetration with fingers/toys for two months.”
“Things are off with my partner.”
“Since getting a new partner, I’m unsure what STI tests fit our oral and toy use.”
“My meds are messing me up.”
“After starting an SSRI in March, my orgasm feels delayed and less intense.”
Source: Practical tips on using clear, nonjudgmental language in clinic visits (Sexual health conversation guidance).
3. Ask about relevant tests and prevention
Not every test fits every body or practice. Lesbian sex isn’t “risk-free,” and it’s definitely not one-size-fits-all either.
Many STIs have no symptoms, which means that testing is the only way to know your status. It’s especially smart to test after new partners or any changes in sexual practices (see this quick women’s sexual health primer).
Here’s some prompts to help you get started:
“Given oral sex and shared toys, which STI tests make sense for me?”
“Should I get an HPV test or Pap today based on my age and history?”
“What’s the right testing window after a new partner?”
“What prevention tools fit my sex life, is it dams, gloves, condoms on toys, vaccines, or PrEP?”
Here’s how common conditions show up in sapphic spaces:
Condition
How it can spread among women who have sex with women
4. Share details about your relationship and partner context
Your care should match your real life, and not a heteronormative template.
Tell your clinician:
Your partner(s) gender(s)
The types of sex you have (oral, manual, penetration with toys)
If you have new or multiple partners
Your barrier use and toy cleaning habits
Heteronormativity is the assumption that heterosexuality (straight people) is the default. In healthcare, that can mean missed screenings or prevention conversations.
Harvard’s guidance on discussing your LGBTQ+ sex life with clinicians supports this directly: being clear helps avoid missed prevention steps and leads to better, more specific care.
If you know, you know… And toy and strap hygiene is part of the chat.
5. Bring up medication and hormone concerns directly
If you’re on any meds, exploring hormones, or noticing changes in desire, mood, lubrication, sleep, or orgasm, don’t be afraid to say it early.
The fact of the matter is that SSRIs, antihistamines, and some birth control methods can affect sexual function. Ask directly: “Could my medication or hormones be affecting my sexual health?”
Don’t assume every clinician is deeply trained here. Less than 25% of therapists receive formal sexual health training, which hints at broader gaps across care teams (see this training snapshot).
It might be what you hear about the most, but hormone shifts also aren’t just a “later in life” issue. One 2025 report noted that more than half of women ages 30–35 reported moderate-to-severe menopause-like symptoms (Menopause moments 2025). Menopause is when you’ve gone 12 months without a period due to decreased ovarian function. Also, hormone replacement therapy (HRT) can impact sexual function and mood: either positively or negatively.
Translation: if something feels off, it’s valid to bring it up.
6. Request or offer LGBT-competent resources and referrals
If your doctor seems unsure, it’s okay to say:
“Do you know an LGBT-affirming provider?” or “Can you refer me to someone who specializes in sexual medicine or pelvic floor PT?”
LGBT-competent care means your provider not only understands and respects LGBTQ+ identities, behaviors, and health needs, but also uses that knowledge in clinical decisions.
You’re not being “difficult.” You’re being informed. It’s your body and your health, and you should feel safe in seeking treatment, no matter who you love or how you identify.
Family doctors are 2.4 times more likely than OB/GYNs to say time pressure gets in the way of sex talks (primary care time constraints report). That’s real. So go in focused.
Here’s what to bring to your appointment:
Symptoms with timing (onset, frequency, triggers, what helps/hurts)
Sexual practices and partner context
Prevention questions (screening, vaccines, barriers, toy hygiene)
All meds/supplements/hormones and any timing changes
Mental health context (stress, anxiety, depression, sleep)
Your ask: tests, referrals, or follow-up plan
Here’s a quick script on what to say during your visit:
What I’m here for today: [One-line opener]
What I’m experiencing: [Top 3 specifics]
What I want to ask: [Tests, prevention, referrals]
Plan I prefer: [How I’ll get results + next appointment date]
How do I find a doctor comfortable discussing my sexual orientation?
Look for inclusive language on clinic sites, LGBTQ+ experience in bios, and ask your queer community for recommendations. Directories and local LGBTQ+ centers can help too.
Should I disclose my sexual history during sexual health visits?
Yes. Sharing your practices and partner context helps your clinician choose the right tests and prevention options.
What STIs should I discuss and how are they tested or prevented?
Ask about HPV, BV, herpes, and HIV. Testing depends on practices (oral, toys, penetration), and prevention includes barriers, vaccines, toy hygiene, and PrEP if needed.
Why might lesbian women delay gynecological visits or screenings?
Fear of bias or past dismissals are common reasons, but routine cervical screening and STI checks still matter regardless of orientation.
How does mental health relate to sexual health conversations?
Stress, anxiety, and depression can affect desire, arousal, pain, and orgasm, so it’s helpful to mention mental health alongside physical symptoms.
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