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Between the Sheets: Polyamory & Traditions

By HER Team |

*Names have been changed for anonymity

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over three years. Coming into the relationship I was very upfront about what I wanted:

  1. Independence
  2. Zero judgement for my love of ice cream
  3. Open relationship

You can see that three years later, something must have worked. But I had not fully been able to engage in a polyamorous relationship as my partner, *Jazz (she/her), was more monogamous and I wanted to respect that. Here’s where the plot twist lies. In the last 6 months, I’ve proposed to Jazz and started a relationship with my girlfriend, Candace (she/they). And ever since I’ve been jumping between these ideas of breaking through the glass ceiling but still honoring tradition.

Let me tell you a bit about Candace…I’ve never met someone like them, and the connection we have is unreal. It’s so much more than physical, and I sound cheesy saying this, spiritual and soulful; but it is. And since experiencing this, I can’t imagine being without it and they feel the same. A whole part of me was suppressed for years, and now this person is a part of me and me, them.

So when I proposed to Jazz, it was in no way due to hesitancy from this experience, but in the tradition that BeyoncĂ© told us to put a ring on it, I had wanted to show my devotion to her ever since. Not because I am trying to live the stereotypical dream, not because of societal pressure – but because she gets me in a way no one has.

When this first started with Candace, Jazz had told me to “live in the moment and feel everything, don’t suppress and just let it be”. With that, I say fuck your traditions, I’m making my own, even if they aren’t the most original.