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Dating Tips and Advice for Trans Women and Men

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Jan 20, 2022

Dating Tips and Advice for Trans Women and Men
  • The new year signifies new beginnings for many people. If you identify as trans, you may have been hoping to spice up your dating life in 2022. Maybe you laid off the apps because you had no luck. Maybe you were unsure of where to meet open-minded people who would accept your identity. Maybe you were dealing with self-confidence issues, but finally, feel proud to show yourself off. Whatever the case is, you can find your special someone this year.

    Dating as a trans person may come with an extra set of issues due to bigotry, hatred, and challenges with acceptance of your identification, but this doesn’t mean that it’s impossible. While nothing can be guaranteed, taking certain steps and precautions can greatly improve the trans dating experience, helping everyone make better, more genuine connections.

    What Are the Most Common Challenges?

    Being trans comes with challenges and some of these challenges are exacerbated within dating. A lot of these challenges stem from transphobia. The ingrained hatred of people who identify as trans is a rampant issue worldwide. Within dating, this can make putting up a dating profile challenging. Many platforms will have accounts blocked, banned, or deleted because a preferred name doesn’t match a legal name. If the platform itself doesn’t delete the profiles, users will often mass report profiles of trans users in an attempt to get them deleted.

    Trans people also face a lot of discrimination from both cisgender people and many others in the queer community. Oftentimes, there’s a lack of acceptance toward being with a trans person. Slurs and hateful judgment from other groups cause an uncomfortable or possibly dangerous experience. There’s also a high rate of sexual abuse and a lack of boundaries in sexual experiences.

    It can also be a very different experience depending on whether a person transitioned before a relationship or during. Some trans individuals find it challenging to identify, even with the queer community, due to identifying as a different gender. It can be challenging to find those who completely accept you.

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    The Pattern of Acceptance and Rejection

    The desire to be accepted can be very daunting for trans individuals. Whether transitioning before the relationship or prior, there are a lot of struggles that come with wanting to be accepted. 

    Many people may accept someone until they realize that they’re trans. It can be a struggle to realize when to reveal this information and whether or not this information should have to be something put on the forefront immediately. Many people may accuse a trans person of hiding information if they don’t immediately disclose their identity. Someone may also immediately decide they are disinterested if the info is revealed first, or possibly become violent.

    There are also people who specifically seek out trans people to simply hurt or kill them. With over ninety percent of straight men or women admitting that they refuse to date a trans person, and eighty-eight percent of people, in general, refusing to date a trans person, it’s more likely that a person would have an issue with a trans person than not.

    For those who are dating a non-trans person, it can also be challenging to find support from your partner. Although they may try, in some circumstances it may just be impossible to understand. Dealing with body dysmorphia or gender dysphoria can also make it difficult to relate to a partner or connect fully.

    How to Date Safely

    While dating and meeting with someone new will always have some kind of risk, there are steps that trans people can take to stay safe.

    1. Be very careful before meeting in person. Utilize video chatting and speaking for a while before moving to an in person meeting.
    2. If comfortable, reveal your trans identity early on and ask if they are accepting.
    3. When meeting, always meet in a well lighted public place.
    4. If needed, also bring a trusted person to a first date.
    5. If not physically bringing a person along, let someone know your location and have a “safe call”. A safe call is when you schedule a certain time for a trusted person to call and within the call if all is well you’ll use an agreed upon safe word. It’s important for it to be a call, not text, so your tone of voice can be heard.
    6. Be clear about expectations and boundaries up front.

    Where Can I Find People Who Will Accept Me and Love Me?

    You may be questioning where to meet people who accept and love you when being Transgender. It seems daunting when there’s a high level of public disdain for people simply trying to live as their authentic selves. Approaching someone in public or using certain dating apps may pose danger. There are places that have a high chance of being accepting, though.

    One of the main places that has many accepting communities is the internet. There are many social media communities that are inclusive and supportive of trans people. Tumblr and Reddit both have large communities for Transgender people to connect and be together. It’s important to still use caution, even within these communities, but they are an option.

    For people in university, there tend to be many queer-friendly groups, and in many of these groups, Transgender people can find a loving community to be around.

    There are also apps that trans people can try. It’s definitely important to be careful on regular dating apps, but apps dedicated to the queer community such as HER are a safe place for you to find your special someone.

    HER Is a Safe Community for All Trans and Gender-Queer People

    HER is an app dedicated to providing a safe and loving community for trans and gender-queer people to find accepting people. Connect one on one with people or be a part of groups or events to meet some special people. Rest assured you’ll meet like-minded people, new friends, and even your future love!

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    Alexandra hails from Boston, MA but is currently living in the DC Area. She's passionate about social justice, self-care, spirituality, and watching documentaries. She's no stranger to telling her story through writing and has written for a variety of freelance publications. You can find her on Instagram at @lexlexlexlexlex__.

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