Robyn is the CEO & Founder of HER. Find her on Twitter.
Select your language
Select your language
Jul 20, 2023
Ever heard of the term bicurious and thought to yourself, I sort of know what it means, but not exactly — and regardless, gravitate toward it?! Well, you wouldn’t be the first and certainly won’t be the last!
So, buckle up and get ready to dive headfirst into the exhilarating world of bicuriosity — a playground of self-discovery and exploration.
We’re going to unravel the juicy deets on what it means to be bicurious, where it all came from, and how it’s more common than you think! So, whether you’re strutting down the rainbow road yourself or just looking to be the fiercest ally in town, we’ve got your back in this inclusive and fabulous space.
Bicuriosity is all about exploring attractions to multiple genders while questioning your monosexual orientation.
It’s like having a buffet of fabulousness where you can sample the flavors that tickle your fancy without committing to a specific label just yet. And we’re not only talking about sex but actually analyzing what you like and expanding what you know about your sexuality. AKA, embracing sexual fluidity!
Describing yourself as “bicurious” is all about embracing your truth on your own terms and at your own time, and it’s 100% valid to do so! It’s also worth noting that bicuriosity will not always conclude in someone coming out as bisexual. Think of it as a bridge, a grey area where people can change or confirm their sexuality safely and with support.
Well, humans are curious by nature, so it’s no surprise if we say that there has always been a tendency to experiment and explore sexuality, especially in ancient cultures or indigenous communities, where sex and gender were perceived differently than in Western society. Even so, we cannot rule them out, as it is known that in European royal courts it was normal and expected to experiment sexually because of their hedonistic practices. To their luck, the straightest person on paper had the chance to enjoy their bicurious moments.
As for the exact origins of the word, they have yet to be discovered. It’s thought to have gained popularity in the mid-80s, or early 90s, proven when Sex and the City famously made an episode around bicuriosity where Carrie makes out with Alanis Morissette in a game of spin the bottle. And if Miss Bradshaw talked about it, we know it was a hot topic.
Source: Twitter
There is a bicurious flag! Always remember that the LGBTQIA+ community is a welcoming space, including a special spot for people who feel like they belong but need more time to be ready to use a specific term to describe their preferences.
Source: Sexuality Wiki
The colors may seem familiar because they’re inspired by the bisexual flag. In this case, we’ve got pink to represent homosexuals (gays and lesbians) and blue for heterosexuals. But hold on, we’re missing that royal purple in the middle because the intersection between sexualities is not clear yet.
The white stripe in the mix means embracing the doubting and questioning feelings. A blank space to write your own story!
And let’s not forget those light-ish stripes that add a touch of flair to this fabulous flag. They represent those who experience slight feelings and share some experiences that fall within the bicurious realm, but it’s still not bisexuality by their definition of it. This flag acknowledges that everyone’s journey is unique and comes in various shades.
We talked about the iconic Carrie x Alanis kiss, but as for representation, being bicurious has unfortunately been used as either a controversial subject or comic relief, not even mentioning the term and perpetuating harmful stereotypes, making folks scared to question their sexuality.
Here are two examples that, even if they can be funny, are more tasteful and accurate to what bicuriosity is, so let’s talk about them.
The movie centers on Scott (a.k.a. our beloved Michael Cera) defeating Ramona’s seven evil exes, which include Roxie Ritcher, her college girlfriend, and the only woman on the roster.
Source: Tenor
Ramona reveals that her relationship with Roxy was during a moment in her life when she was bicurious, something she didn’t make clear to her at the moment, making her, well, bifurious.
I really like this example because it shows that it’s normal to experiment and let our sexuality flow, but also serves as a reminder to be emotionally responsible with the people you’re involved with if it’s more than just a casual fling.
This is a very punny parody of the childhood favorite, Curious George. It was written by a straight man and this version is definitely not for children.
Source: Amazon
The book is mainly about the chimp getting into whacky, stereotypically gay situations that many find cleverly hilarious, but it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.
The most bicurious thing about the book is the catchy title, as it’s mostly about his gay encounters. But for many folks, it is like that! You think your whole life you’re straight or gay, and suddenly you find out there’s more. Then, you go and seek experiences that you only know from an outsider’s point of view, just like George does in this tale.
Who says life has to fit into a neat little box, honey? Bicuriosity struts across the spectrum, blurring the lines between bicurious, bisexual, gay, and heterosexual.
Sometimes, you might be attracted to more than one gender, even if you primarily identify as hetero or homosexual. Making this distinction shines a light on this totally natural aspect of experiencing attraction, while still respecting bisexuality for what it is, especially considering controversial comments like “you’re just confused” or “pick a side.”
Bicuriosity allows you to embrace the confusing feelings you might have, and to pick a side, or label, if you need to. Think of it as a provisional term while you figure yourself out.
Navigating bicuriosity while in a relationship requires some serious communication, understanding, and love. Be open to talk, babe, and share your thoughts, desires, and questions with your partner. Together, you can create a safe and marvelous space to explore and understand each other’s needs and boundaries. Remember, dear, should always be a runway of respect and support, no matter where your curiosity leads you.
Being bicurious doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner, it just means that you’re getting to know yourself a little better, and you’d have these questions about yourself whether you were single or married for 25 years.
Also, figuring out your sexuality doesn’t always mean that you have to have sex with other people. Desire is a human emotion, and we all experience it, but we make a choice out of love not to act on it.
Both of you should define what you’re comfortable with and brainstorm ways to help you in this journey to find who you are. Also, be reassuring with your partner, let them know that this is not about your feelings for them but your identity.
If you still need a little help to know if this term is right for you, we got you, sweetie.
Source: TIME
Source: Medium
Most importantly, remember that this is your story, and you get to rock it in your own unique way. Trust your instincts, follow your heart, and surround yourself with folks who uplift and celebrate your authentic self.
Robyn is the CEO & Founder of HER. Find her on Twitter.
