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Feb 25, 2022
From the moment we are born, it feels like ideas of romance are pushed into our heads. Talks of getting married and being a “heartbreaker” seem to fill popular media and our minds. For some queer people it can already be daunting to deal with the heteronormative ways of society, so what about those who feel little or no romantic feelings?
For those who lack romantic feelings, you may fit on the Aromantic spectrum. There are many different forms of Aromanticism, from people who feel no romantic feelings and have no desire to have romantic relationships, to people who only feel romantic feelings if it’s reciprocated. Learning more about the Aromantic identities can help to explain the feelings that you’re having.
Aromanticism is a romantic orientation that most commonly describes people who experience little to no romantic attraction to others. It also describes someone whose experience of romance is disconnected from normative societal expectations to feeling repulsed by romance or being uninterested in romantic relationships.
You may feel that this feeling applies to you, or partially applies. This is why it’s important to be aware of the different identities on the spectrum.
There are many identities under the Aromantic spectrum. Let’s learn about some of the more common ones:
This list doesn’t cover the full range of identities on the spectrum but can be a great starting point for identifying the feelings you’re experiencing.
When it comes to determining whether you’re on the Aromantic spectrum, it’s important to understand feelings of romantic love. Romantic love often involves feelings of passion, intense desire for closeness, and emotional intimacy. Initial feelings of romantic love can be strong and overwhelming, even distracting.
Often Aromantic people don’t experience these overwhelming romantic feelings, or may not feel them very easily. Many don’t desire to have these feelings, as well. Sometimes being Aromantic and being Asexual can be confused, but they are not synonymous.
Aromanticism and Asexualism have similar feelings but are different. Some people may be both, but not all. Asexual people typically have a lack of sexual interest or attraction but still desire romance. They still typically will feel romantic feelings toward others.
Aromantic people may still desire sex but not have romantic feelings for others. The act may still be pleasurable but there’s no emotional connection to the other person.
Aromantic people may still desire a relationship with another person, even if they don’t have romantic feelings.
Although Aromantic people may not feel romantic feelings in the societally expected way, many Aromantic people still desire to be in relationships for a variety of reasons.
An Aromantic person may want a relationship because…
It can be challenging to have feelings that are different than societal norms. Supporting Aromantic people is an important part of bringing awareness and normalizing this identity.
Be an ally by:
HER is a great place to connect with awesome queer people, including some who identify as Aromantic. You’ll be sure to meet and connect with a variety of people who share your experiences. You may even meet your special person or new members of your chosen family. Find your community of open-minded people on HER today!
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Alexandra hails from Boston, MA but is currently living in the DC Area. She's passionate about social justice, self-care, spirituality, and watching documentaries. She's no stranger to telling her story through writing and has written for a variety of freelance publications. You can find her on Instagram at @lexlexlexlexlex__.
