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Jan 06, 2026
Not every great date needs a cocktail menu. For a lot of sapphics, connection comes easier when the setting leaves room to breathe, talk, and express yourself fully. That includes our sober sapphics, as well as anyone who simply doesn’t want alcohol or a pub to be the center of their time together.
If bars feel loud, repetitive, or just not your thing, you have other options.
Alternate dating spots open up more ways to connect. They make room for shared experiences, real conversations, and moments that feel intentional, without feeling too loud or over the top.
We’re here to help with a few ideas for date spots that are memorable, meaningful, and a step away from the bar scene.
Coffee dates get a bad reputation, but they work for a reason. They’re flexible, easy to linger if it’s going really well, and safe to exit if the vibe is not quite what you’re looking for.
They’re also a great option if you are sober or choosing not to drink. No explanations required.
Try:
• A cozy café with comfortable seating
• A coffee shop near a queer bookstore or scenic park
• A daytime meetup that feels relaxed and natural
Tip: Choose a place where you can actually hear each other. Comfort matters more than aesthetics.
Physical movement helps ease nerves and gives you something to experience together. Being outside also creates natural pauses and conversation starters, without relying on alcohol to set the tone.
Ideas include:
• Walking trails or city parks
• Casual hikes or scenic viewpoints
• Farmers’ markets or outdoor pop-ups
• A picnic on the beach or a morning swim
Tip: Match the activity to both of your energy and ability levels. Shared enjoyment matters more than ambition.
Art-centered dates are naturally inclusive. You get stimulation, conversation, and shared experience without any expectation to drink. Plus, you’ll probably learn something new and support local artists, which is pretty awesome.
Good options:
• Museums with free or late-night hours
• Weirdly specific museums (you’d be surprised: maybe the bobblehead museum is closer than you think!)
• Small art galleries or rotating photography exhibits
• Cultural centers or performances
Tip: There is no right way to react to art. It’s more about what you notice and how you talk about it together.
Cooking is collaborative and revealing in small ways. It creates connection through shared effort and care, and teaches you more about how that other person responds to things like throwing random ingredients in or how they organize.
Ways to do it:
• Cook a simple recipe together
• Try a cuisine neither of you has made before
• Bake something fun and forgiving
Tip: Choose something manageable so the experience stays enjoyable. A five-star meal won’t taste as good if it was tense to create it.
Doing something with your hands makes conversation feel easier and more natural. Creative dates offer connection while making something of your very own and honing those crafty skills.
Examples:
• Pottery or painting classes
• Craft nights or DIY workshops
• Writing or collage sessions
Tip: Let the activity guide the interaction. You don’t have to fill every moment.
Alternate dating spots work best when you let them be what they are. A chance to spend time together, learn a little, and see how it feels.
A few reminders:
• New experiences can create closeness without forcing it
• Silence is allowed
• Put your phone away and live in the moment together
• You don’t need to define anything right away
• Choosing not to drink is valid, full stop, regardless of the setting.
Trying different kinds of dates helps you understand what actually feels good in this phase of your life. Not who you were before, and not what you think dating should look like. Just what feels aligned now, in the present.
Whether it is a walk, a class, a shared meal, or a quiet afternoon, bonding often shows up in spaces that feel comfortable and chosen with heart and intention.
And when you want to explore that connection further, HER is here to support it. Built for sapphics, including our sober queens, who want dating to feel intentional, playful, and real.
Chicago-based community manager, content writer, and professional cupid who’s still in her emo era. When she's not hosting HER virtual events, you’ll find her creating oddly specific playlists on Spotify and hitting up way too many concerts with her partner. Catch her where the music’s loud, the food is cheesy, and the eyeliner’s smudged just right!
