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What do you do if you like her more than she likes you?

Apr 25, 2022

What do you do if you like her more than she likes you?
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  • In the world of WLW dating, figuring out how your crush feels about you isn’t always easy (i.e. does she see us as friends or special friends?). If your relationship status isn’t clear, you may start to think she doesn’t feel the same way you do. Being unsure of where your person of interest stands with you is not a great feeling. However, this uncertainty often stems from insecurity, so it’s possible that it’s not the reality of the situation. 

    If you think you like her more than she likes you, try asking yourself these questions:

    • How do you really know that? Sometimes these feelings simply come from insecurities, not wanting to get hurt, etc., and your person may not actually feel that way. Unless it’s obvious, you don’t need to jump to conclusions just yet!
    • Has she expressed romantic interest in you? If the answer is yes, then it seems like she does like you too. Sometimes people express their interest in different ways.
    • How long have you been seeing each other? If you haven’t been talking for very long, it’s possible she’s still figuring out her feelings, doesn’t want to come on too strong, or for any number of reasons. 
    • Does she initiate plans? If your crush is also initiating plans with you, they are likely interested in you too.
    • Is she out of the closet? Some LGBTQ+ people don’t feel safe or ready enough to come out to the world yet. Consider their status before taking anything personally.

    If you still think you’re more interested in her, keep reading for what to do next in this situation. Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide what kind of relationships you want in your life, but we hope these tips can bring you guidance to do what’s best for you!

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    Give it time

    When you think you like someone more than they like you, try to give the situation some time. This depends on how long you have been seeing each other. If it’s only been a couple of weeks, then you probably have nothing to worry about. Everyone develops feelings for others at different rates, and they express their feelings in different ways too.

    People also have all kinds of reasons why their feelings might not be obvious– they might want to play it cool, not come on too strong, or even guard themselves from getting hurt. Plus, if they’re spending time with you then it’s likely because they are interested in getting to know you better.

    However, if it’s been a couple of months or more and you’re still not sure where she stands, you may need to take some further action. Sometimes early on in relationships, we are afraid of asking ‘serious’ questions too soon. However, it’s never really too soon to ask what you need to hear, especially if it’s been a couple of months. Go ahead and ask her how she feels about your relationship.

    Talk to her

    There’s nothing wrong with talking to her about how she feels at any point in your relationship, but if there have been a couple of months of uncertainty, then it’s definitely time to start talking. Whether it’s in person or over text, you can say something along the lines of:

    “Hey! We’ve been seeing each other for a while now, and I’m not really sure what to make of our relationship. I am really enjoying our time together and really like you, but I was wondering how you were feeling about us?”.

    See, it’s that simple! Getting yourself to communicate something nerve-wracking can be hard, but once you do it you’re sure to feel relieved.

    You can also start by just telling her how you feel. This can also be nerve-wracking, but how can she know your feelings if you haven’t told her either? When feeling nervous about being vulnerable, ask yourself, “What’s the worst-case scenario that can happen?”. Think of the worst possible outcome of telling her this, and you’ll see that not much harm can be done. At the very least, most people will feel flattered about hearing nice things! So be bold and take that next step.

    Remove your love goggles

    Try to clear your mind from the blinding clouds of potential love and make sure you’re seeing her for who she really is. To do this, you can ask yourself these questions:

    • What do you really like about her? 
    • What’s special about her?
    • How do you feel when you’re around her?
    • Is it worth sticking it out to see what happens?

    Sometimes with dating, we get so caught up in worrying about other people liking us rather than thinking about how we feel. Think about what qualities you actually like about her, what (if anything) makes you giddy about her, and how she makes you feel.

    Maybe you have a lot of fun when you’re with her. Maybe the sex life is really good. On the flip side, maybe she’s the only queer girl you know in your area. Maybe you just don’t want to be alone. Whatever your answers are, try to be honest with yourself about whether the situation is worth sticking out– especially if it’s causing you any real stress!

    Ask a friend

    Sometimes our friends can give us great outside perspectives on dating situations. Plus, their radars for trying to protect us can be pretty accurate. Although you ultimately know your situation best, consider asking a friend for their advice.

    Your friend(s) likely know you very well, and they might be able to see that you’re worrying for no reason (especially if you have a history of doing so). If your friend has been around you and your love interest, they might even say, “What?! She was clearly flirting with you all night!”. On the flip side, they could say, “Yeah, she did seem weirdly distant…”. Either way, getting their perspective can truly help.

    Get clear about what you want

    When feeling like your romantic interest is one-sided, it’s a good time to get clear with yourself about what you truly want from a relationship. Do you want to feel uncertain about your person’s feelings? Do you want someone who you never have to question their feelings with? What’s most important to you in a partner? 

    Sometimes, we accept situations or people we don’t deserve. It’s important to know your worth. Know that you do deserve someone who puts in as much effort as you and makes you feel good. Even if it may not always seem like it, you will find someone who is just right for you.

    When to move on

    If this uncertainty has been going on for too long, it might be time to move on. Unrequited feelings don’t feel nice. If the situation is causing you stress, loss of sleep, or anxiety, you either need to have a chat or re-evaluate. Ask yourself if she is truly treating you with respect, considering your emotions, or being truthful with you.

    If you already talked to her about this issue and she still seems distant or disinterested, consider leaving the situation behind. Sometimes we’re afraid to leave situations that don’t serve us because we don’t think we can find anything better. However, there are tons of amazing queer women out there, and you are sure to find someone who loves you for you.

    HER can help

    HER is the dating app for connecting LGBTQ+ women, nonbinary folks, and trans men in your area. Download HER today to find your people, and even your special someone (who you know for sure always has your back).

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    Katie is a writer and creative person based in Seattle who is passionate about the arts, environmental justice, and all things vintage fashion. She celebrates queerness as a natural yet radical state of being, and she strives to make the world a more inclusive place for all. You can find her taking meditative strolls in the rain forests of the Pacific Northwest channeling her inner Bella Swan, or just on IG @ktmarieeee.

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