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Dealing with Rejection During the Holidays

Robyn Exton

Dec 15, 2021

Dealing with Rejection During the Holidays

The holiday season is meant to be a time of celebration and togetherness, but sometimes, just like life, it doesn’t always go as hoped. Unfortunately for many, with family comes drama, and it’s common for exclusion from family gatherings to occur. Whether it be a holiday party, family event, or holiday tradition, dealing with rejection hurts!

Despite the progress the world has made in becoming more accepting of all people, many members of the LGBTQ+ community aren’t fully accepted by family members and friends for being themselves. If you’re dealing with being excluded from the guest list this year, know that you are absolutely not alone, and your loving community is out there waiting for you.

Having a good time with your closest friends can be more fun anyway. Source: Photo by Nicole Michalou from Pexels
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So You’re Not Invited to This Year’s Holiday Party, Now What?

When celebrating the holidays brings more hurt than cheer, remember that we can always create new traditions of our own to keep the holiday joy alive. If possible, try to surround yourself with close friends who accept you for you! 

Take this as an opportunity to have an even better time with new traditions that make you happy, such as… 

  • Hosting your own holiday event full of friends, good food, gifts, movies, and winter fun.
  • Still doing your favorite holiday activities like decorating a Christmas tree, baking delicious treats, and making holiday crafts.
  • Giving back to and connecting with your local community.
Holiday treats can cure anything. Source: Photo by EKATERINA BOLOVTSOVA from Pexels

Understanding Why This Happened

Is there a reason you were not invited? If so, is this reason a symbol of their character or yours? Remember that these actions are more often than not a reflection of them, not you. 

Additionally, consider that there may be many other reasons why someone would decide to rescind an invitation. Some people simply can’t deal with the potential drama bringing certain parties together can create, even if they have nothing against you personally. 

Most importantly, know that you are not alone. This is a circumstance that many people, including those in the LGBTQ+ community, face during this time of year.

How to Respond

Understand that rejection is protection! You are now free to create your own holiday memories away from people who may not respect you. Take this moment as an opportunity to focus on the relationships that fulfill you in your life, rather than those that cross your boundaries.

In addition, there is nothing wrong with letting others know when they have hurt you and communicating this in a productive way. However, it is not your responsibility to maintain relationships that are one-sided.

What to Do if You’re Feeling Let Down

It’s perfectly understandable if being excluded from holiday events has you feeling down. We all deserve to be surrounded by people who care about us, especially this time of year. Venting to close friends is a great way to express your frustrations while letting them know you may need extra support; you might just find yourself with a new list of invitations to their own traditions!

Remember that you hold the power to turn your holidays around and create your own holiday magic. Whether this means planning nights in with your favorite holiday movies and hot cocoa or hosting a last-minute gathering with those who support you, you can always create your own ways to keep the holiday cheer alive.

Fill your home with things that bring you joy this holiday season! Source: Photo by Karolina Grabowska from Pexels

How to Cope with Non Accepting Family Members

Dealing with non-accepting family members can be difficult, and it’s no secret that it’s still a common occurrence for queer folks. It’s important to make sure you aren’t sacrificing your own needs in the name of being “accepted.” People who truly care about you will support you for being exactly who you are!

Family doesn’t mean the same for everyone. Many family members have their differences, but we are not obligated to keep those in our lives whose differences mean rejecting who we are. Know that your energy can now be focused on things that uplift you and make you whole.

Finding Your Chosen Family

Additionally, family doesn’t always have to mean those we share DNA with. Families come in all shapes and sizes, and sometimes they’re made up of friends who will always be there for you. Oftentimes, this family we choose is more important than the one we’re born into.

It’s important to find those who are deserving to be in your world. Don’t settle for people who don’t make you feel encouraged or bring toxicity into your life. True family is always there for you, wants you to be yourself, and wants to include you in their lives.

Time spent with chosen family during the holidays can make for precious memories. Source: Photo by Anna Tarazevich from Pexels

Surround Yourself with Positive, Kind and Loving People

It’s true that holidays are best spent shared with others. Make sure to surround yourself with loving, uplifting people to keep the cheer of the holidays alive. Keep an eye out for community gatherings with like-minded people in your area. There are many people in the same position who want to meet new people and enjoy holiday activities together.

Don’t Give Up

Know that your community is out there! There are so many people waiting to meet and appreciate you for exactly who you are. Plus, there are many other LGBTQ+ people who are also looking for their chosen family.

Learn More with HER

HER is the #1 lesbian dating app, but it’s also here to connect you with fellow queer women, non-binary, trans, and gender non-conforming folks. Find your chosen family with HER.

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Robyn Exton

Robyn is the CEO & Founder of HER. Find her on Twitter.

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