Robyn Exton, Mook Phanpinit, Jessica Serviat
Robyn is the CEO & Founder of HER. Find her on Twitter.
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Robyn Exton, Mook Phanpinit, Jessica Serviat
Apr 03, 2026
Flirting as a nonbinary person can be exciting, empowering, and honestly… Sometimes a little tricky, especially in spaces not built with gender diversity in mind.
Whether you’re swiping, meeting IRL, or just figuring out your vibe, these tips are here to help you flirt with confidence, connection, and consent. From setting up your profile to show your authentic self to understanding which platforms prioritize queer safety (like HER), small tweaks can make a big difference. Here’s how to express your personality, feel safe, and flirt in a way that feels genuinely you.
HER is the world’s leading sapphic and queer dating app designed intentionally for nonbinary, trans, and LGBTQ+ users. With over 10 million downloads, HER stands out for prioritizing emotional fluency, identity safety and real community connection. You can customise your profile with a range of gender and pronoun options, display Pride Pins, and use Incognito Mode whenever privacy matters most.
Unlike mainstream apps, HER celebrates identity at every turn. Verified profiles, local queer events, and moderated community groups make flirting here feel easy, authentic, and safe.
Pronoun visibility (sharing words others should use for you) sets the tone for respect from the start. Add your pronouns and identity directly to your profile so potential matches know how to address you naturally. It saves energy and immediately filters for people who value inclusivity.
| Platform | Pronoun field sample | Identity representation |
| HER | They/Them, She/They, He/They, Neo options | Pride Pins, “Nonbinary cutie” badge, full custom field |
| OkCupid | Multiple pronoun and gender fields | Public visibility toggle |
| Tinder | Basic pronoun tag | Limited to selected categories |
The best flirting starts with curiosity. And honestly, sometimes all it takes is one good prompt to get things going. Whether it’s “Let’s debate: best sapphic anthem?” or “The emoji that sums up my vibe 🪩,” humor and openness make you approachable. These prompts become natural conversation starters and show off your personality.
Your comfort matters just as much as your chemistry. No sparks are worth feeling unsafe, ever. As dating apps evolve, safety, moderation, and inclusive design are becoming essential, especially for queer users navigating spaces that don’t always reflect them, a trend highlighted in recent dating app industry reports. Joining platforms built for queer users means respect and safety come baked in. HER leads this space with verified accounts, inclusive gender fields, and active, moderated communities that keep the vibe supportive and affirming.
| App | Queer safety & culture |
| HER | Purpose-built community, verified profiles, inclusive events |
| Tinder | Large user base, limited moderation for queer identity |
| Bumble | Friendly interface, some inclusive filters |
| OkCupid | Flexible gender options, less active queer moderation |
| Badoo | Mainstream environment, low LGBTQ+ customisation |
Clarity saves everyone time. On HER, you can choose relationship goals like “Something fun,” “Deep connection,” or “Chat & see.” It helps match vibe-for-vibe: whether you’re here for flirty banter or something that lasts.
Intent setting examples:
| Goal type | Example phrasing |
| Casual / Flirty | “Here for queer banter and chaotic memes” |
| Serious | “Open to something meaningful with someone kind” |
| Curious | “Testing the waters, see where it goes” |
Before moving from chat to real life, use in-app safety tools that give you control. Verification features confirm users are real, cutting catfishing risks.
These kinds of features are increasingly prioritized across platforms, as seen in recent user rankings of dating apps.
HER’s Incognito Mode and privacy settings help you choose what others see and when. Don’t feel rushed to share personal details: trust builds first, coordinates later.
Flirting doesn’t mean crossing lines. You can keep it fun and respectful, no awkward guesswork needed. Try openers that mix playfulness with consent: “Can I send you a silly meme or keep it mysterious?” or “Mind if I flirt a bit?”
Soft, consent-first language sets an easy, comfortable tone and keeps the spark mutual.
Your photos give a first glimpse of your energy. Choose images that capture who you are: clear headshots, candid smiles, Pride gear, queer event snaps. Avoid heavy filters that erase your expression. On HER, authentic photos tend to attract people looking for a real connection, not surface-level perfection, and help make a good first impression.
Flirting doesn’t have to start one-on-one. HER’s community groups and local events are great low-stakes ways to meet people, swap memes, or share advice. For introverts, it’s a soft way to let chemistry build naturally. Even casual exchanges can spark something; think shared jokes or kind replies in group chats.
Keep personal details private until you feel secure. Avoid sharing exact locations, numbers, or socials too soon. HER’s in-app messaging and privacy tools make it easy to take your time.
Quick reminder: Hold back workplace info or full names until trust is real.
Flirting is fluid, and it evolves with your comfort level. Some days it clicks, some days it doesn’t, and that’s completely normal. Try new prompts, tweak your bio, and pay attention to what makes conversations flow. If energy dips, take a breather. A pause often brings back confidence and clarity.
Sharing them upfront with simple intros like “I’m Alex (they/them)” helps create ease and mutual respect.
Use universal terms like “cute,” “stunning,” or “brilliant,” or gender-free endearments such as “babe” or “partner.”
State what feels okay early on: set your comfort level and use friendly check-ins if someone oversteps.
Absolutely! What matters is mutual respect, shared honesty and understanding of each other’s identities.
Talk through communication styles, affection preferences and what each of you want next… HER’s prompts can make that part easy.
For more guidance on queer and nonbinary dating, explore HER’s guides on nonbinary dating and binary partners and sapphic dating etiquette.
Robyn Exton, Mook Phanpinit, Jessica Serviat
Robyn is the CEO & Founder of HER. Find her on Twitter.
