Robyn is the CEO & Founder of HER. Find her on Twitter.
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Jul 25, 2023
There are a lot of misconceptions about polyamory and non-monogamy. Even in queer communities, polyamorous relationships are often dismissed, mocked, and stigmatized. The “I-don’t-suppor-that-lifestyle” mentality isn’t just frustrating — it also has real impacts on the polyamorous community. They face discrimination in marriage, adoption, custody, and other systemic ways.
But there are a lot of celebrities in polyamorous relationships, and who are non-monogamous, who are using their platforms to raise awareness of ethical non-monogamy.
By opening up about their experiences, they’re using their power and influence to help normalize and destigmatize polyamory. Because guess what? It’s happening. It’s been happening. And it will continue to happen.
Jada Pinkett-Smith and Will Smith, Mo’Nique and Sydney Hicks, and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are some of the heterosexual couples who’ve described their experience in open relationships.
The list goes on and on. For LGBTQ+ celebrities who are often tasked with advocating and representing their communities, it is all the more powerful to see them advocating for openness and shaking loose from the restraints of “homonormativity,” or presenting as a palpable type of gay person.
So this is my non-exhaustive list of LGBTQ+ polyamorous celebrities who are destigmatizing loving more than one person at once:
Source: Wikimedia Commons
After releasing the queer album of the summer, “The Age of Pleasure,” Janelle Monáe came out as polyamorous.
In a recent interview with Vogue UK, Janelle Monáe shared that they had been in several poly relationships.
“I was never the girlfriend that would be jealous,” they said, sharing how they’ve embraced polyamory. “Looking back, I’m like—clearly.”
Monáe is ushering us all to our titties out era. Thank you for your service, legend.
Source: Instagram
Musician Willow Smith came out as polyamorous in 2021. In one of the most famous episodes of Red Table Talk, Smith spoke with her mother Jada Pinkett Smith and grandmother Adrienne Banfield Norris about her frustration with marriage as a construct and her desire for a polyamorous relationship.
Smith is also openly bisexual and a central figure in my L-word chart of celesbian drama.
“With polyamory, I feel like the main foundation is the freedom to be able to create a relationship style that works for you,” she explained.
Source: Wikimedia Commons
Bob the Drag Queen. One of the best performers of our time. Winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race season 8. And openly in a long-term polyamorous relationship.
In 2020, Bob posted a Youtube video with musician Ezra Miller and photographer Jacob Ritts called “My Two Boyfriends.”
“The main rule is we don’t lie to each other,” she said in 2020. “So far I think we’re nailing it.”
Source: Wikimedia Commons
Indya Moore — trans and indigenous activist and star of Pose — came out as polyamorous on Twitter in 2018.
Today, Moore is a prominent voice for trans and non-binary rights, keeping their dating life primarily private. Their approach to identity, indigeneity, and humanity is about connectedness and love.
“It’s really important that we highlight the many ways that we can love each other and respect each other,” they said in a recent interview. “That is what is going to save our human family.”
Source: Spotify
When they were in a relationship with YL, Kehlani shared her experience with open relationships. They spoke about a scandal where they were photographed kissing a woman outside of a club.
“That wasn’t a rule-breaking situation,” Kehlani said in 2020 on The Breakfast Club. “I just don’t feel like getting online and deeply explaining that that is not a situation that matters to me then I gotta deal with everybody coming at my mentality about an open relationship.”
In 2018, Kehlani posted that they were “a lil’ poly pansexual.” Today the singer identifies as queer and is in a relationship with Kiara Russell.
Source: Flickr
Shailene Woodley — known for her role in blockbuster movies like Divergent and The Fault in Our Stars, but known to me for the moment in The Secret Life of the American Teenager when Ben tells Amy, “You’re my whore” — is openly bisexual and polyamorous.
She shared that she had been in non-monogamous and monogamous relationships in an interview with The New York Times in 2020.
“I’m someone who has experienced both an open relationship and a deeply monogamous relationship in my life,” she said.
Source: Wikimedia Commons
Bella Thorne was in a public throuple from 2017 to 2019 with rapper Mod Sun and influencer Tana Mongeau.
“It really depends on finding the right mesh of two people,” Thorne said in an interview in 2019. “I love loving two people at once.”
In recent gay news, she was in the “Becky’s So Hot” video with FLETCHER. The actress identifies as pansexual, but she helped me discover my own sexuality, which I would describe as “being on a motorcycle with FLETCHER”
Source: Wikimedia Commons
Margaret Cho, our fearless bisexual comedy mother, is also openly polyamorous.
Cho grew up surrounded by queerness, but her family was less accepting of her bisexuality. She was also in an open marriage with a man for nine years. Now, she dates both men and women.
She also has an extremely relatable take on being poly in practice.
“I love polyamory, but it’s just so much talking and a lot of work,” Cho said on the Today Show in 2021. “I always end at one even though in my mind, I am poly, but I’m too busy.”
Source: Twitter
Frankie Grande is another queer celebrity who has shared his relationship with a couple. He’s now married to Hale Leon.
“I was very open to the possibilities of what love looks like, or what love could be, and it just happened,” he said on Access Now in 2018.
As the older brother of Ariana Grande and a former Big Brother contestant, he’s been a visible LGBTQ influencer for a decade, and opening up about polyamory is another way he’s changed the community for the better.
Source: Wikimedia Commons
It may come as no surprise that Mae Martin — the creator of one of my favorite shows about queer relationships, “Feel Good” — has opened up about their loving and wholesome relationship in a throuple on the podcast “Why Won’t You Date Me with Nicole Byer.”
(I also highly recommend Byer’s podcast for open discussions about love in all its forms.)
While they said they see themselves ending up with a long-term partner, they are happy to find new ways to express intimacy and love.
“I’m so evangelical about how we should all be fluid and open and free,” Martin said. “We should enjoy being young and alive and nice and communicative and warm and slutty.”
So now you know — your favorite LGBTQ celebrity is also poly. And now you have a list you can point to and say — “Look at all these smart, sexy, cool, powerful celebrities who have been in ethical poly relationships.”
Take that, construct of monogamy!
Robyn is the CEO & Founder of HER. Find her on Twitter.
