Blog Post

What Does Anal Sex Feel Like?

Your Uncomfortable Questions, Answered

Nah, don’t be embarrassed. We’ve all looked this up more times than we can admit. And when we bring it up around our partners, we’re like … ugh, that’s so gross haha … unless you’re up for it? 😏

We’ve All Been There

But what really could hurt more than the anticipation, the wondering, fears, and what-ifs? The thing about anal is, you can try it, and if you don’t like it, you don’t have to do it again. It’s really that simple. Still, let’s go over some of the questions we were asked when we brought up queer womxn and anal sex.

Do Queer Womxn Do Anal?

Ohoho, do we? 😼 Yes, we do. Society likes to think that anal is some gay male-exclusive, which is pretty strange if you think about it. We all have butts! Why shouldn’t we all get to enjoy them? It’s not a gender-specific sexual act. The same way straight people can enjoy pegging, queer womxn can enjoy anal.

Why it’s not portrayed in media as much as our gay male counterparts? Who knows. Maybe it’s because it’s still seen as “dirty” or “taboo” despite the fact that it’s extremely common among womxn.

Shit, Will, it Hurt?

Pun intended. Will anal hurt? It totally depends on the preparation you put into it. If you just go in there without any warm-up, it’ll probably hurt. If you do a lot of anal play, it gets easier. It’s a process, just like any other sexual act. Take it slow! Make sure to have a lot of lube on hand. Your butt is a muscle, and it can relax and tense up. Lube makes sure everything moves freely and doesn’t hurt.

As for the first time, there’s a few things you can do. The first is to have your trusted partner do it with their fingers. They can get you used to the feeling of having something in your butt. The second is to get a butt plug. They’re inexpensive little toys that come in a variety of shapes and sizes, and you can wear them to “train” your butt, so to speak. Not only are they discrete, but you can find cute butt plugs that have heart-shaped gems or bunny tails. Anal training can be a lot of fun!

You and your partner can experiment with toys before going straight to a dildo. Smaller toys will be easier, of course. A lot of people test out anal with butt plugs and anal beads.

Tip For Using Anal Beads:

  • Lube up first
  • Count them before they go in, and again when they come out. The number should be the same. If there is one less, see a doctor. If there is one more, you have a magical butt.

(To be clear, this was indeed a joke, anal beads are designed to not break apart.)

To avoid pain, make sure you’re relaxed, take deep breaths, and don’t rush. Take it slow and make sure you’re warmed up. Stay hydrated, and you should be fine. If you’re still encountering pain, you might want to stop and try again later. The stress you’re feeling might be making it harder to relax.

The Poo-Poo Talk

Look, a lot of people will sugarcoat this, but we’re going to be real here. Typically, when anal play is prepped for beforehand, there’s a lot less risk of any fecal matter. But unless you’re micromanaging your entire diet and using a medical-grade enema, the chance will never be 0%. And you know what? That’s okay.

Yeah, poop isn’t anyone’s favorite. But you and your partner have to be aware that when you’re going that route, you’re literally playing with the part of your body that moves poop out of your body. Maturity matters here, deeply.

That’s not something to be afraid of, though. With the right preparation, you can greatly reduce the risk of any fecal matter touching any toys. A lot of people are afraid that when their partner removes something from their bum, they’ll be poop on it. That’s a relatable fear; we all have it. That’s why it’s important to have a conversation beforehand.

Go ahead and send this page to your partner, because this is something you both should know. The odds are never zero.

However, you can GREATLY minimize the risk. 

Enemas are your friend! So are high fiber diets. Plant-based diets have been proven to make your bathroom time “easier,” … meaning you take much less time to poop, and your poop is more likely to be in one piece rather than a bunch of smaller bits. Those smaller bits are what might make your anal play less fun, so consider having less animal products and more plant-based meals.

Enemas are the obvious option, and they are pretty easy to do. Enema bulbs can be purchased online, and are a low risk solution. Just be careful to not over-use them, as they do flush out good bacteria as well.

And what if it DOES happen? Well, you get to laugh about it. It’s poo. Every single one of us does it. No one on Earth can judge you for literally being a functional human being. 

Let’s Finish This Off With A Little Q&A

Question: Can you go over how you actually get a butt plug in? Beyond lube — do you just kind of push it up there? 

Answer: That’s a great way to put it. However, the way your body is positioned might make it harder or easier for you to use a plug. The easiest way to insert a plug is to first, put lube on your finger, then put your finger inside your bum. If you’re comfortable, move your finger around to get the lube spread. Then, coat the toy in lube and find a comfortable position. Slide it inside in a way that is most comfortable for you, some people find it easier to push it all at once and some people insert it slower. That part depends on you!

Just remember that the way plugs are shaped makes it so that the further in it goes, the harder it may resist until the base is fully in. 

Question: And how about getting it out — any tips for getting it out too? Anything I should watch out for / be aware of?

Answer: Such an understandable question. Taking the plug out is pretty easy. You really only need to grab it and pull it out slowly. Don’t jerk it, unless you ya know… want to. Then, clean it. You can either just use soap and water, or buy special toy cleaner.

Question: Beads sound so much nicer than plugs, don’t they? What’s the actual difference in pleasure, like how does it actually feel different inside?

Answer: That’s up to you! Some people like plugs because they are much easier to start with. When you think of about plugs versus beads in terms of length, plugs are shorter. Beads create a more “full” feeling, but also feel amazing when you pull them out. Plugs aren’t as fun to take out, but it really will depend on your preferences. Our advice? Try both and figure out what you like best.

Question: Can you explain what rimming is or, more importantly, how I do a really great job at it for my girlfriend? I know she’s interested to try but not totally sure what I’m doing 

Answer: Absolutely! Rimming is a really intimate thing. Your anus and your partner’s anus are not just holes; they are sensitive and have many nerve endings in them. Rimming itself is when your partner uses their tongue to lick and circle the outside of your anus. You can also insert your tongue into your partner’s anus and lick it. When you rim, you can use your hands to spread your partner’s butt cheeks, so you have easy access. Be careful and gentle with your movements. Use your tongue to lick the sensitive skin of the anus gently, avoid sucking or biting.

If you want to know exactly how your partner likes it, communicate! 

Question: Should I be thinking about what I eat earlier in the day if I’m going to be getting involved with anal play at nighttime?

Answer: Yes, that’s actually the best idea. Plant-based foods are easier on your body and make you less likely to have small, round stools. You can also supplement your diet with a fiber supplement, which will help things along. Anal sex is often a lot more enjoyable if you’ve had a BM first, so try using an enema as well.