Robyn is the CEO & Founder of HER. Find her on Twitter.
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Aug 18, 2021
We’ve been seeing a lot of posts from queer women on social media talking about anal sex, so we thought we’d write a guide to share with all the queer ladies out there.
Don’t be embarrassed – this is a safe space for discussion and thought about something MANY people ask about.
Anal sex can be a really fun, liberating, and pleasurable experience for many people!
So first, if you’re not interested in trying it, don’t. No one is going to force you or make you do something that you don’t want to, and if you’re getting pressure from your partner, that’s not cool.
Look out for your safety and your emotional health, and don’t let someone make you do something that makes you uncomfortable.
But if you are interested in trying it or are already doing it, you should know a few things. Let’s talk about how to prepare for anal sex as a queer woman!
Download HERThese entry-level suggestions should help those who are curious about where to begin prepping for anal sex.
If you’ve never had anal sex before, it can be hard to know what to expect.
So it’s a good idea to familiarize yourself with your butt. You may want to give yourself a little tour.
Spend some time just getting to know your butt!
This can mean self-play or just checking yourself out in the shower to get an idea of what it feels like.
It might seem silly, but this will help you get to know your body, and it will also help you get to know what you like.
A lot of sexuality is exploring – some people like things others don’t, and that’s okay. Some people like it rough, some people like it gentle, some people like it when you play with their butt, some people hate it.
You just have to figure out what you like.
Don’t jump right in. While you might feel extremely excited to start, there are things you might not know about anal.
You might not know that it’s very hard to relax when you are not comfortable, which is why anal-play works best when you know exactly what to expect.
To help with this, you may want to start off with a warm bath. A nice hot bath can help to relax the muscles and may help you get more comfortable with the idea of anal play.
Lube is also important. You can grab some silicone lubricant to help with this, as it is very slippery and will make things easier.
Once you are comfortable and ready to start, you will want to start with a finger. Just one is best, as it’s easy to start small. Lube it up, get it all over your finger, and then slowly slide it in.
It’s a good idea to find what you like and then see if you want to go bigger. However, it’s a good idea to take it slow.
If you want to spice things up, you can try a butt plug.
These are easily inserted and are safe for beginners. They have a wide base that allows you to move around comfortably without it falling out.
You can also choose between ones with a curve and ones that are straight.
Fancy some light stimulation?
Butt plugs are great for beginners, and you can start small. They are usually made of silicone and have a flared base to keep them from going too far into your body. They also come in metal, though those aren’t as comfortable for beginners.
Plugs are discrete, easy to use, and comfortable. They are a great way to start, they give a nice feeling of fullness, and most are pretty affordable.
You can find butt plugs at your local adult store or online. Whatever you choose, you can start off with a small one and see how it feels. If you like it, then you can choose a bigger one.
Plugs also come in different designs, some have different shapes for more comfortable long-time wear, and others have lovely little gems or are made of different materials.
Anal beads are a classic, with a great variety of styles.
They are great to use in conjunction with a vibrator, and they can give you some pleasant anal stimulation. They are also great for some kinky play, as you can pull them out at the right moment.
Anal beads are another excellent way to start exploring anal play.
They are a bit more advanced than plugs, but they give you much more stimulation. The feeling of pulling them out can be a huge turn-on, and they can give you some nice orgasms.
Anal beads are great for intermediate anal play, and you can experiment with them to see which ones you like best.
Just be careful, and listen to your body, as you may have to stop if you feel uncomfortable.
Vibrators are great for anal play.
The vibrations can help you to relax, and they can also give you some pleasant stimulation. You can use them with your partner or by yourself.
You can buy some small vibrators and insert them into your body. Likewise, you can also use them externally and let the vibrations travel through your body.
Remember that you don’t want to get anything stuck inside you, so be sure you’re using vibrators made explicitly for anal play.
Lube is a must for anal play.
You may be tempted to use saliva, but that can cause some severe problems. Instead, you should use lube and LOTS of it.
When it comes to anal, you really can’t have too much.
Consider the differences between water-based lube and silicone-based lube.
Water-based lube rinses off very quickly but isn’t as good for longer sessions. Your body might absorb the water, making it harder to remove the toy. Silicone-based lube lasts longer but is a bit harder to clean up.
If you are planning to use anal toys, then get a lube that is safe for them. That way, you don’t have to worry about it damaging the toy.
Sorry, but it is the truth.
You can make choices in your lifestyle to help stabilize your diet, like eating a plant-based diet and eating more wholesome foods with fiber, but unless you’re a wizard, your body will always be what it is: a human body. And, well, … we do poop.
You can take extra steps to make sure your clean by using an enema before anal play. It’s up to you and what you are comfortable with.
You can also be very diligent about your cleanliness before you play by sticking a finger inside and making sure everything is clear.
You can minimize the risk of anything being left on your toys by practicing a cleaner, fibrous diet and choosing non-porous toys, but you will never eliminate the risk entirely.
If you’re mature enough to be trying anal sex, you should be mature enough to have this conversation with your partner. Or, send them this page so they have an idea.
Download HER app Robyn is the CEO & Founder of HER. Find her on Twitter.
