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4 Tips on How to Hit on Someone when you're Not Sure they are Queer

Feb 11, 2020

Let’s set the scene: You’re out at a local bar. The neighborhood is LGBTQ+ friendly, but it’s not necessarily an LGBTQ+ bar. You see someone that you are interested in across the room, and today is the day you decide to make a move. You start to walk toward the person, and you are halfway there when you pause and think “wait a second, what if they aren’t queer?”, and you abort mission. Sound familiar? It happens all too often and we need to have some tools to overcome this moment of pause.

1. Compliment them to see their reaction
It’s always nice to receive a compliment. You can gauge whether they are into it or not by complimenting their shirt, hair or shoes. While they may not give an obvious response, it definitely will extend the conversation and that is when you can gauge their interest.

2. Ask queer-centric questions
Have you seen the most recent L Word? Were you at the most recent (insert LGBTQ+ party here)? Did I see you at last years pride? Ok, some of those may be too obvious, but it helps you get to the point very quickly.

3. Go in with confidence
Rejection can happen regardless of their identity. The person could identify on the LGBTQ+ spectrum, and they still might not be interested. Go in it with your best self, and remember that the worst thing they can say is “I am not interested” and you respectfully keep it moving.

4. Send in your wingman
Look, not everyone wants to be that up front – we get it. That’s what you have your best friend for. There is no pressure on them and they can be as upfront and candid as they want while getting the information for you. They could even help you with talking points – or throw you under the bus by pointing you out in the crowd. Win win?

These are just starting points that move away from wearing very obvious shirts or shaking a pride flag in front of their face. Take the tips that works for you, and get your flirt on.

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