Robyn Exton, Jill O'Sullivan, Mook Phanpinit, Jessica Serviat
Robyn is the CEO & Founder of HER. Find her on Twitter.
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Robyn Exton, Jill O'Sullivan, Mook Phanpinit, Jessica Serviat
Apr 16, 2026
Okay, so we’ve gotta admit. Finding love or connection as an asexual person can feel a little different. But like, not in a “harder” way. Just in more of a “we’re doing this on our own terms” way. And honestly? That can be kind of beautiful.
If you’ve ever felt out of sync with typical dating expectations (read: everything being way too sex-focused and thirsty), you’re not alone. And yeah, that feeling is valid. Asexual dating works best when it’s rooted in honesty, self-awareness, and spaces where you don’t have to explain yourself over and over again. IYKYK.
Whether you identify as ace, gray, demi, or you’re still figuring it out, these tips are here to help you build connections that actually fit you with no pressure and no Oscar-level performances.
At the core, it’s really about honesty, self-awareness, and doing things on your own terms.
HER is one of those spaces where you can actually exhale a little.
Ace and queer users can show up openly with Asexual Pride Pins, use Incognito Mode for privacy, and join community groups centered on ace experiences.
There are also events and discussions that highlight underrepresented identities. So you’re not just included, you’re seen.
The vibe is very much: your pace, your definition of connection. Romance, friendship, something in between. Whatever you’re looking for, it all belongs here.
Being upfront about what you’re looking for and how you identify makes things clearer from the start.
Sharing your identity (whether that’s asexual, graysexual, demisexual, or something else) helps set expectations early. You don’t have to write a whole paragraph or give a Ted Talk, just enough that someone understands your perspective. It also helps you stay connected to your own relationship needs instead of adapting to someone else’s expectations.
You can name what you’re looking for:
And if that changes over time? You’re allowed to update that too. Nothing about this has to be fixed.
Not every app is built with asexual users in mind… and you’ll immediately feel the difference. And that’s something more people are starting to talk about, especially in pieces like this look at how dating apps are supporting ace users.
Spaces like HER make it easier by offering identity options, moderation, and community features that actually support ace users. Other platforms like Taimi, AceSpace, or OkCupid can also help, depending on what you’re looking for.
| App | Ace-inclusive identity options | Active moderation | Community features |
| HER | Yes (Asexual Pride Pin) | Strong | Events, groups |
| Taimi | Yes | Moderate | Filters, pride content |
| AceSpace | Fully ace-focused | Strong | Forums, support spaces |
| OkCupid | Yes | Moderate | Match filters |
| Tinder | Limited | Variable | None specific |
The key is using filters, keywords, and tools that help you find people who already get it (or are open to learning), instead of constantly starting from zero.
Dating gets a lot easier when you already feel grounded in who you are.
Being in ace or queer spaces, whether that’s in-app groups, forums, or community chats, builds confidence and reminds you that your experience is valid.
On HER, ace communities and events give you space to connect, share, and just exist without pressure. And honestly, that kind of support makes everything else feel lighter.
Boundaries aren’t a one-time thing. They’re ongoing and can evolve over time.
Start by getting clear on what feels good for you:
Then bring your partner into that conversation. Keep it collaborative, not confrontational.
A simple rhythm:
It keeps things grounded, respectful, and way less stressful. And no, you’re not being “too much” for having boundaries.
Intimacy isn’t just one thing, and asexual relationships often show that in really beautiful ways.
Connection might look like:
None of this is “less than.” It’s just different.
If it helps, try listing what makes you feel closest to someone. It gets your brain firing and makes those conversations way easier.
Some people rarely feel attraction. Some only after a deep emotional connection. Some not at all. And some are still figuring it out.
| Identity | Attraction experience | Typical focus |
| Asexual | Little or none | Emotional & romantic |
| Gray-asexual | Sometimes, rarely | Conditional attraction |
| Demisexual | After deep bond | Emotional-first |
| Aromantic | No romantic attraction | Friendship or platonic ties |
Having a sense of where you sit can help you communicate your needs more clearly. But you don’t need to have it all figured out to start dating. And if you’re wondering how that translates into real relationships, this piece on asexual people in romantic relationships explores what that can look like in practice.
Let’s be very clear: your identity is not something to negotiate away.
You’re not broken and don’t need to be “fixed”.
If someone suggests you’ll “change” or pushes your boundaries, that’s not curiosity. It’s a lack of respect, and it’s worth taking seriously.
You deserve people who meet you with openness, not doubt. And you never owe anyone access to your body or your identity. Protect your peace.
If you’re dating someone who does experience sexual attraction, communication becomes even more important. This kind of dynamic is explored more deeply in experiences like dating an asexual when you’re a sexual person.
Talk openly about:
And remember: compromise should never feel like erasure. Your comfort matters just as much.
Feeling safe isn’t optional.
Look for platforms that:
HER and ace-focused spaces tend to do this well, creating environments where you can show up without constantly second-guessing if you belong.
There’s no single timeline for asexual dating.
Some people find romantic partnerships. Others build deep platonic or queerplatonic relationships. Some prefer independence.
All of it is valid.
Your path might not look linear. And that’s not a flaw, it’s just yours. Move at your own pace and let connection take the shape that actually feels right.
Asexuality means having little or no sexual attraction while still being able to form emotional, romantic or platonic bonds.
Yes. Many aces build lasting, fulfilling relationships with intimacy defined on their own terms.
Use ace-inclusive apps like HER, join affirming groups and talk openly about comfort levels and intentions.
Asexuality refers to little or no sexual attraction, while aromanticism means little or no romantic attraction. Some identify with one, some both.
Be upfront about your boundaries early so that any partnership grows with respect and clarity.
Robyn Exton, Jill O'Sullivan, Mook Phanpinit, Jessica Serviat
Robyn is the CEO & Founder of HER. Find her on Twitter.
