Robyn is the CEO & Founder of HER. Find her on Twitter.
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Dec 14, 2023
Ever been stuck in dating limbo, where you’re more than a stranger but less than a partner? Welcome to the world of benching.
Imagine being an athlete warming up on the sidelines. You’ve got your gear on, ready for action – but the coach never calls your name. That’s what benching feels like.
You’ll learn how this modern dating trend affects relationships, especially within the sapphic community. Ever wondered about its mental impact or how it compares with ghosting and breadcrumbing?
We’ll also discuss practical tips if you find yourself benched or even if you’re unintentionally doing it to others.
Benching, a term born from the digital dating world, is making waves in the sapphic community. But what does it mean? In essence, benching is when someone keeps potential partners as backup options, keeping them ‘on the bench’ while exploring other possibilities.
This trend has become common with online dating platforms, where an abundance of choice often leads to indecisiveness and non-commitment. It’s like being a football player, warming the bench while others take their turn on the field.
In its simplest form, you can think of it as having a favorite book that you love so much; however, instead of finishing it or moving on to another one completely – you leave bookmarks at different points to revisit later when you feel like diving back into those parts again.
Now let’s get real about this phenomenon. We’ve all experienced being put on hold at some point, whether we realized it or not – yes, even in our romantic lives.
While benching may seem harmless initially because, after all, who doesn’t want more options, right? The truth is far from rosy, especially if we delve deeper into its impact within specific communities such as ours – The Sapphic Dating Community.
This behavior could lead to confusion and self-doubt among individuals who are kept waiting endlessly without any concrete outcome. Moreover, Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, emphasizes how feelings such as unhappiness, loneliness, and helplessness can also stem from being benched regularly by multiple partners across various dating apps, which have only made this problem worse.
While benching is an unwelcome trend, understanding its dynamics can help us navigate the tricky waters of online dating. Stay tuned for more insights and practical tips on this subject.
Getting benched can be a confusing and hurtful experience. This dating custom can frequently result in sentiments of uncertainty, sadness, seclusion, and powerlessness – particularly within the sapphic circle where emotions may already be heightened due to social constraints and societal pressures.
Inconsistent communication is a common feature of benching that fosters self-doubt. When someone you’re interested in keeps you on hold while they explore other options, it’s natural to question your worthiness as a potential partner.
This uncertainty can escalate into more serious mental health issues like anxiety or depression if left unchecked. Dr Sabrina Romanoff, an expert in psychology, explains this further by highlighting how such negative experiences affect one’s overall well-being.
To avoid these pitfalls when navigating the modern dating scene – remember it’s not about being ‘good enough’ for someone else but finding those who appreciate your unique qualities without hesitation.
Benching often breeds unhappiness because nobody enjoys feeling like they are just an option instead of a priority. The sporadic attention given by those who bench others only adds salt to the wound, leaving individuals with emotional scars that could last long after their connection has ended.
Moreover, people caught up in benching scenarios frequently report feeling lonely despite technically having someone ‘on hand.’ The absence of genuine companionship from this form of interaction leaves many yearning for meaningful connections – something everyone deserves regardless of whether they are partaking in online or offline dating scenes.
Benching, ghosting, and breadcrumbing – are all buzzwords in the modern dating world. But what sets them apart?
Ghosting is like a football player vanishing mid-game; no warning, just gone. The communication stops abruptly with zero explanation. It’s as if you’ve been tackled hard by an invisible opponent.
In contrast to ghostly disappearances, benchers don’t cut off contact entirely but keep potential partners waiting on the sideline. This juggling act involves stringy conversations that create confusion more than anything else. Studies suggest it can lead to feelings of self-doubt and loneliness similar to those experienced when one gets benched.
Moving onto another trendy term – breadcrumbing: this practice has less commitment than bench pressing yet still holds some control over hopeful hearts yearning for connection.
The key difference here lies in consistency and intent behind actions taken by the person doing these acts. Unlike breadcrumb droppers who offer sparse interactions, keeping hopes alive but leading nowhere specific, benchers provide more substantial hope with their intermittent engagement – almost as though they’re trying out different safety gloves before deciding which fits best. They might not be ready to start a relationship or have multiple partners lined up but want you around as an option for future possibilities.
All three practices highlight how complex navigating through digital dating landscapes can become due to the ambiguity surrounding intentions and communication styles used within these platforms.
Benching can be tough, especially when you’re part of the sapphic dating community. But don’t fret. Check out these useful hints to aid in your journey through the complexities of sapphic dating.
To start, communicating honestly is crucial. If you suspect someone is avoiding you, query them regarding it forthwith. You deserve clarity and respect in your relationships.
The best way to approach this conversation? Use “I” statements instead of blaming language—this helps prevent defensiveness and opens up dialogue.
Next step? Setting boundaries for yourself. It’s okay if you’re uncomfortable being a backup option—your feelings must be validated too.
If things aren’t changing after communicating your concerns or setting boundaries, consider taking a break from the relationship until they can give more commitment or until it feels right for you again.
Finding yourself doing some bench pressing? Remember: honesty also applies here. Let potential partners know upfront if you’re seeing multiple people. Hence, they have all the information needed before deciding whether to continue, which many find liberating and respectful towards everyone involved.
So remember these tips next time benching rears its head—they’ll keep communication clear while respecting your and others’ emotions on the HER App. Happy dating!
If you’re the one who tends to bench others, here are some tips on how to approach this dating style without hurting feelings. The key is transparency and respect.
The first step in responsible benching is being honest about your intentions. If you’re not prepared to enter into a committed relationship or just wish to investigate different prospects, make that clear from the beginning. It’s okay to date around; what’s not okay is leading someone on while doing so.
Secondly, avoid stringing someone along with empty promises or ambiguous communication. If you know they aren’t ‘the one’, don’t keep them hanging in hope.
Last but not least, focus on your needs and empathize with theirs. Balancing self-interest and empathy can prevent many heartbreaks caused by unintentional hurtful actions.
Remember – it’s perfectly fine to enjoy multiple dates until you find someone that feels more steady! However, ensure every person involved knows where they stand.
Online dating apps have a big role to play when it comes to benching. They give us an overflow of potential partners, leading some folks to keep others on standby. This is particularly true for those navigating sapphic dating communities.
Dating apps like HER can help individuals explore their sexuality and find like-minded people. But it can be easy to fall into the world of benching since they provide easy access to multiple partners at once, causing some users to feel comfortable with keeping options open while focusing elsewhere.
This digital era has sparked much debate amongst lifestyle news outlets and experts alike. Steph Koyfman, senior content producer at language learning platform Babbel says, “Dating online often means dating multiple people”. The ease of using apps to meet new people could inadvertently promote benching behaviors among users.
As per the latest research by Claudia de Llano from The Awakened Journey, “Apps have made it easier than ever before for individuals engaged in sapphic relationships or otherwise, not just stay tight but rather spending time with more than one person.”
In light of this trend’s growing popularity among online daters, we must stress the importance of prevention methods and safety precautions against emotional distress caused by such actions.
Being honest about intentions upfront is key – nobody wants a hard time figuring out where they stand.
We recommend seeking genuine connections over quantity: investing your energy into fewer interactions might lead you towards fulfilling relationships instead of being caught up in the benching cycle.
Remember, dating is not a competition. It’s about finding someone who matches your vibe and respects you for who you are.
Benching isn’t just a trend – it’s an established part of the current dating scene. Understanding its ins and outs, especially within the sapphic community, can make all the difference.
You’ve now seen how benching operates: stringing along potential partners without committing fully. The mental toll this takes is undeniable, with feelings of self-doubt and confusion common among those benched.
Remember, though, benching isn’t ghosting or breadcrumbing; each has unique nuances to navigate. Awareness is your first line of defense here!
Practical tips for dealing with benchers? Honesty and boundary-setting are crucial! If you’re on the other side doing some ‘benching,’ empathy should be your guiding light.
Robyn is the CEO & Founder of HER. Find her on Twitter.
