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A guide to dating a bisexual woman and being a great ally in the process

Robyn Exton

Nov 14, 2023

A guide to dating a bisexual woman and being a great ally in the process

Are you a straight fellow interested in a bi-baddie? Do you want to learn more about bisexuality, or are you bicurious? Then, you’re in the perfect place to find all the answers you need.

A man and a woman leaning head to head

If this is your first time dating a bisexual woman, it’s normal to have some questions about the dynamic, her preferences, and your place in the LGBTQIA+ community, or if there even is one. So, let’s dive into all the essential topics in this course of bisexuality 101 and help you get an A+ in romancing a bi girly.

What is the definition of “bisexual”?

Being bisexual means feeling attraction for two or more genders, or more than one gender, depending on how you put it. You might’ve had the impression that it means liking men and women, but that’s an outdated definition that excludes nonbinary people and other gender identities from the mix, and that doesn’t really check out with the bi experience.

Woman at pride lifting a bisexual flag.

If someone is still questioning their sexuality, some signs that might help figure it out are:

  • Attraction to more genders Sounds standard, but it can be challenging to differentiate the feeling at first.
  • When you hear the term ‘bisexual,’ it feels right There’s just something that draws you to the definition.
  • You take the online quizzes If you even have to look it up, the chances are pretty high.
  • You’ve had some confusing friendships  That BFF you had might’ve been a crush, and you just realized it.
  • You relate to bisexual stories and media – If it hits too close to home, your experience is probably more similar than you realize.

There is no one-size-fits-all way of being bisexual. Some people like almost all genders and prefer to use the label and some people only like women and non-binary folks. It’s essential to listen to the bi people around you and ask about their unique experiences wearing the gorgeous pink, purple, and blue flag.

Keep an eye out for bisexual stereotypes

There are some recent gags and clichés that people love to poke at in social media, like the classic goth bisexual girlfriend with her golden retriever gamer boyfriend, an oddly specific yet popular match

Characters from Hotel Transylvania Johnny and Mavis smiling at their wedding

Source: X

But stereotypes have existed for decades and decades. Some are quirky and lighthearted, created within the community; others come in the form of prejudice, and those should not be perpetuated by anyone who strives to be a good ally.

The bad ones

  • Bisexual people are just confused.
  • They will eventually pick a side.
  • They’ll never deny a threesome with a straight couple.
  • They just want to have sex with as many people as possible.
  • They do not exist.

Bi folks can be very sex-driven, yes. They can also find out later in life that they were always a lesbian or pansexual. But these things are not related to bisexuality, just facts twisted to shame the community. Acknowledging that bisexuality is real is powerful and necessary, they are an important part of the community and deserve to be treated as such.

The good/funny ones

  • Bisexuals love puns.
  • They always have a cool haircut, usually an iconic bob in femme presenting folks.
  • They can’t sit straight.
  • You shouldn’t make them choose.
  • They love frogs. It’s unanimous.

These are mostly inside jokes, coincidentally relatable for bi people, and include them in memes, funny tweets, and even Tumblr text posts (if you remember). As a community, it’s nice to be able to laugh at each other with the silly little things they do, so if your bi-bae makes these jokes around you, it probably means she’s comfortable with you.

Can I date a bisexual woman?

You can date whoever you want. If you want to know if dating a bi girl gives you an honorary letter in the LGBTQIA+ community, well, no. If you’re cis and straight, you’ll still be cis and straight with a bisexual partner. What you can do is be the best ally you can and support her sexuality and identity, no matter what. She might call herself gay or queer, and if that makes you insecure about your masculinity, maybe dating her is not for you.

Man giving a piggyback ride to a woman at a park, both smiling.

Dating a bi woman as a cis-straight man

If you’re a hetero dude dating a bi babe, you’re not alone. In fact, a 2013 Pew Research Center survey found that 84% of bisexual Americans are in committed relationships with someone of the opposite sex. That doesn’t invalidate their sexuality at all, and it’s important to reassure your partner about that because biphobia out there can be rough.

A great way to make your girlfriend feel comfortable about her sexual identity is to show your support through memes or funny videos. Maybe tell her about what you’re learning, and most importantly, ask about it! Communication is always a must in every relationship, no matter the gender.

Be sure that it is for a good reason if she chooses to be with you. You are not a bystander until she finds a girlfriend or because she doesn’t see you as a man. Trust that she likes you and picked you out of so many people because you’re awesome!

Bisexual memes to make your bi girlfriend laugh

The trifecta of style, taste, and priorities

Ask her about her preferred aesthetic, and she’ll name all of these or maybe even Gonzo from the Muppets.

Venn diagram that includes three circles: pirates, vampires, and cowboys. “BI” is the middle point.

Source: X

When they ask “what they like”

It’s not a threat… but a warning.

A character from Hellsing Abridge saying, “I’m bisexual which means you’re all at risk.”

Source: X

A superpower on its own

From Bad Bunny to Olivia Rodrigo, they can lipsync to anyone about anything.

A chameleon holding a sword. The chameleon is labeled as “bisexuals,” and the sword is labeled as “not needing to change pronouns in love songs.”

Source: Instagram

Saying “hello” as a bi person

If you’re dating, you’ve probably seen all of these before.

A tweet with a caption that reads “the four horsemen of the bisexual apocalypse.” followed by images of finger guns, a peace sign, a thumbs up, and an ‘okay’ gesture.

Source: Reddit

A simple bisexual truth

You’ll need this one to scare the haters away.

Text post that reads “Today’s tea: bisexual people in a m/f relationship aren’t straight.”

Source: Instagram

How to be an ally to the LGBTQIA+ community

Your bi girlfriend is still part of the community, and being in a relationship with a straight guy is no reason to alienate herself from it. So stay informed, take her, or even join her, to events like drag brunches and pride parades

Don’t be afraid to use your privilege as a cis-hetero person to fight homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, and all hate in general towards the LGBTQIA+ community. That’s what true allyship means.

And just like you want to be your unapologetic self, give her a safe space for her to do it as well. That will make her 100% happy.

Robyn Exton

Robyn is the CEO & Founder of HER. Find her on Twitter.

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