Robyn is the CEO & Founder of HER. Find her on Twitter.
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May 02, 2023
Our sex drives tend to fluctuate. They’re influenced by the people we’re into, our moods, what we like, and how we like it, and just about a million other things.
That being said, odds are, if you’re a person with a high libido there’s a chance someone might’ve referred to you as a “nympho” before. Sometimes people throw it around as a joke or because they’re trying to cosplay a doctor, despite not having done any research.
So I thought it was time to clear the air and the stigma and have a real and factual talk about nymphomania. What does it really mean to be a nympho, and how do you know if you are one? Let’s dive in and take a closer look at this often-misunderstood term.
At its core, “nympho,” short for nymphomaniac, is a term that’s used to describe a woman who has an insatiable desire for sex. Think Samantha from Sex and the City, but with less self-awareness.
Nymphomaniac was previously used to describe hypersexual behavior in AFAB individuals. It is now known as hypersexuality disorder, compulsive sexual behavior, or sex addiction, conditions that can affect anyone, regardless of sex and gender. (Don’t worry, we’ll define all of these and get into their differences in just a moment!)
But even though “nympho” is considered to be outdated, replaced since the 1980s by more accurate terms like “sex addiction,” it’s still used day-to-day. You might hear it in movies or TV shows, or even in casual conversations with friends. And unfortunately, some people might still use it to judge or shame women who they think are “too promiscuous,” when they’re actually only enjoying sex, having a healthy sexual appetite, or even an actual clinical condition.
Did you know that “nympho” comes from ancient Greece?
The Greeks believed in these female nature spirits called “nymphs,” who lived in rivers, woods, and all sorts of natural places. These nymphs were all about fertility and sexuality, so they were considered seductive and oh-so-beautiful. The term “nymphomania” actually translates to “madness over nymphs.”
But here’s the thing – unfortunately, some men used this word to get away with harrasment and abuse. They even started blaming nymphsfor erectile dysfunction! The story of Daphne and Apollo is a perfect example.
She was just minding her own business, and then Apollo started harassing her, so she had to turn into a freaking tree to escape his advances. This outcome maintained the God of Sun as a hero in paper because it was just “what nymphs do.”
Source: Artsy
Later on, people started using the term “nympho” to describe women who they thought were way too into sex, not even that, women who shared the same libido as men! It’s like, can’t a woman just enjoy some good old-fashioned boning without being called names?
Luckily, things have gotten better over time. We’re way more accepting of female sexuality now, and we should be celebrating healthy, consensual, and safe sex, not shaming women for their desires.
What’s the difference between being a “nympho” and being someone who just loves to have a lay in the hay? Some folks simply like to get it going, and that doesn’t have to mean you are anything other than a frisky sheet-shaker (go, you!). But if you love sex and choose to reclaim the term, it’s up to you, just remember that it is not an official name for hypersexuality or sex addiction anymore, so be mindful of misconceptions and misinformation.
Now, before we explain other terms, you might identify as I highly recommend you don’t self-diagnose, you should opttalking with a sex therapist or a psychotherapist. In the words of Rebecca Dakin, a.k.a. The Great British Sexpert, told The Sun:
There is still a stigma around women who enjoy sex as they are seen as ‘promiscuous’ or it’s shameful, and they are judged […]. So there are many women with sex addictions who go undiagnosed.
So if you believe you fit in any of the following descriptions remember that it is completely normal to experience your sexuality in a different way than others do, and you should work with a professional that makes you feel validated.
Hypersexual is a more clinical term that’s used to describe someone who has a very high sex drive or an excessive interest in sexual activity. It’s definitely not a bad thing, and it’s not really associated with negative behavior. Some people just have a higher sex drive than others, and that’s perfectly fine!
Symptoms of hypersexuality might include:
Sex addict, on the other hand, is a term that’s used to describe someone who has a compulsive or obsessive need for sex. It’s often associated with harmful or destructive behavior, such as cheating or neglecting responsibilities in order to engage in sexual activity. But it’s important to remember that addiction is a real and serious issue, and people who struggle with it should be treated with compassion and understanding.
Symptoms of sex addiction might include:
And, of course, we have a bunch of folks that just like sex! It’s a natural and healthy part of being human, and partaking on any of these activities in general doesn’t mean that you are a sex addict, the key differente is when sexual behaviour interferes with other important aspects of your life. As long as everyone involved is consenting and safe, you should always enjoy it as much as it feels right for you.
This is a juicy topic! Sexual desire is such a personal thing, and it can vary so much from person to person. Some people might have a higher sex drive than others, and that’s totally fine. It’s all about finding what works for you and your partner(s).
In fact, The Irish Times had a sex survey back in 2015, in which 33% of people said their sex drives were “about the same” as their partners. However, 45% stated that their sex drive was higher than their partner’s, while 22% said their partner’s was higher than their own. What matters is to know how to make it work and communicate!
There are so many different factors that can influence sexual desire, too. Stress, hormones, psyche, and even medications can all affect how much you want to get it on. Of course, people have different preferences when it comes to the types of sexual activity they enjoy, as well as the frequency and intensity they prefer. For example, our asexual peers are known for their lack of sexual desire, and the BDSM community follows more adventurous practices in the bedroom.
It’s also worth noting that sexual desire can change over time. What you might have been into in your twenties might not be the same as what you’re into in your forties. And that’s okay! Our bodies and our desires evolve as we grow and change, and that’s a natural part of life.
Many people found out about this term because of the movie Nymphomaniac (2013), starring Stellan Skarsgård and Charlotte Gainsbourg, directed by acclaimed yet controversial director Lars von Trier. The film is about a woman named Joe who’s super into sex, retells her encounters, and refers to herself as a, you guessed it, “nymphomaniac.”
Source: NYT
Of course, this isn’t the only movie or TV show that’s explored hypersexual behavior. Some other examples are:
Californication (2007-2014), is a series where our favorite alien-seeking FBI agent, David Duchovny, plays a writer who’s also a sex addict. Even tho he has a cult-following from the X-Files, opinions on this show are pretty divided.
Some folks are like “yay! This character is so real” showing actual consequences of addiction rather than plating it up for jokes. But on the other hand, we have the ones who are criticizing the show for making sex addiction seem “cool” and for treating women like they’re just objects to be used for pleasure.
Both seem like valid critisism and it depends on the eye you watch the show with and the kind of media you enjoy, because even if something is accurate, it doesn’t mean it’s good representation.
Then there’s Sex and the City (1998-2004), which is, like, the OG of hypersexual TV shows, I mean it’s in the name! Especially with fan-favorite Samantha Jones, as previously stated in this article.
Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha had very different views on sexuality, while they all engaged in some kind of hypersexual behavior, as it was a topic that took most of their conversations, some were more open to it than others. Ms. Jones was the risk-taker, kink-taster and try-it-all-once kinda gal, and we love her for that, because in a decade where women were still breaking out of the sexual shell in media, she was the pioneer.
And sure, SATC has aged questionably, with odd views on LGBTQIA+ topics and even on sexual freedom, but it is a product of its time, and we can even appreciate their redemption arc with their spin-off And Just Like That (2021-ongoing), which unfortunately though, lacks a Samantha.
A favorite character of mine happens to be a fierce woman with a high sex drive and a productive sexual life. She is not labeled either as “nympho” or “hypersexual,” but she is a clear example of what people tend to confuse with these words. I’m talking about Nola from She’s Gotta Have It. Both the film (1986) and the Netflix series (2017) are amazing representations of healthy, communicative, and fruitful sexual relationships, with a main character that is independent and creative, showing that she is way more than what she does in bed.
Source: Baltimore Magazine
We still have a long way to go when it comes to the representation of either hypersexuality or sex addiction because people still see sex as taboo, so it’s either a sin or a punchline. But little by little, we’re getting to the point of respect and education, most importantly, there is a whole generation of people willing to listen.
So there you have it! Now you know the vast history of “nympho” and how our perception of sex has changed throughout time.
I hope you learned a little bit more about yourself and that learning about this topic allows you to approach sexuality in an empowering way.
Robyn is the CEO & Founder of HER. Find her on Twitter.
