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What Exactly is a Pillow Princess?

Robyn Exton

Mar 15, 2024

What Exactly is a Pillow Princess?

You’ve likely heard the term pillow princess by now, and maybe you’ve even wondered if your ways are that of said royal-sounding term. So, “What exactly is a pillow princess?” you ask. 

In a nutshell, a pillow princess is a woman or femme, typically lesbian or LGBTQ+, who prefers to receive pleasure during intimacy a little more (or a lot more) than giving it – thus, lying down comfortably on her pillow like a princess! 

So, whether you’ve heard the term in passing or are curious about its meaning, exploring your desires and preferences is a journey worth taking. Let’s delve into the world of pillow princesses, their preferences, and what it means for you and your partner.

Understanding the origins of the pillow princess phenomenon

You’ve likely encountered the term ‘pillow princess’ in LGBTQ+ circles, but its origins and implications might still be unclear. 

Dating back to the 1990s, it initially described femmes in femme-butch relationships. However, it has since evolved to encompass broader identities within the LGBTQIA+ community. 

At its core, a pillow princess is someone (not only women… ahem… pillow princes are a thing, too) who prefers to receive pleasure rather than take a more active role during intimacy.

What does pillow princess mean?

A pillow princess is part of lesbian slang. It’s a queer, gay, bi, or pansexual woman/non-binary person who likes to remain horizontal during sex.

Pillow princesses are what we would refer to in the gay community as a “bottom” who basically likes to lie there and vibe (sometimes literally). 

They’re there to enjoy themselves. That’s not to say that a pillow princess has never topped: maybe the princess is taking control while staying laid back.

A pillow princess isn’t going to break a sweat when they have sex unless it’s due to their own orgasm. Their favorite positions are missionary or lying on their stomach.

Exploring your identity as a pillow princess

If you’re wondering whether you fit the pillow princess mold, consider these telltale signs:

  • Preference for Receiving: You prioritize your own pleasure and find fulfillment in being the recipient of your partner’s attention (or oral sex).
  • Favorite Positions: You prefer to lie down comfortably in intimacy mode, often opting for positions that allow you to relax and fully embrace the moment.
  • Communication and Comfort: You value open communication with your partner, prioritizing physical and emotional comfort throughout the experience.
  • Enjoyment of Admiration: Being admired and worshipped by your partner is a source of pleasure, and you revel in the attention bestowed upon you.
  • Embracing Sensuality: Whether through dirty talk, bondage, or the use of sex toys, you indulge in sensory experiences that heighten your pleasure!

Lots of qualities make up a pillow princess, but typically, they do enjoy receiving. They often prefer to be submissive and let their partner take over while they relax and receive. Pillow princesses aren’t necessarily lazy, either. They might be timid, feel secure when others take control, and/or feel pleasure when worshipped. 

So, what are we waiting for? Let’s go ahead and dive into what it all really means.

1. You absolutely want your needs met

If you prefer to receive sexual stimulation than give, you might just be a pillow princess. This doesn’t mean you don’t care about your partner feeling good. But maybe you’re a better fit with somebody who gets pleasure from giving pleasure. thus, you prefer to stay cozy on your throne (aka your bed) and let your boo take over. 

2. Your favorite positions are when you’re lying down

Pillow princesses love to stay lying down during sex– because what position is more comfortable than that? If your favorite sex position looks identical to your favorite lounging or napping position, you’re likely a pillow princess. 

This doesn’t mean you’re lazy either – you might only be able to enjoy yourself when the pressure’s off! Here, you don’t need to impress with crazy poses, and some positions, like missionary, might allow you to create a level of comfort that’s supportive of being able to climax.  

3. You’ll quickly communicate when you’re uncomfortable

Another giveaway for pillow princesses is being quick to communicate when they’re physically uncomfortable (something we can ALL do more of, by the way)—because the whole point of being a pillow princess is being comfy. After all, if you’re quick to let your partner know that your arm is slightly squished or the pillow under your head isn’t quite right, welcome to the club. 

Bonus points if you must ensure your satin sheets and a cozy pile of pillows are ready before even getting started.

4. You enjoy laying there and looking pretty (no shame)

Pillow princesses are princesses for a reason, so being admired is their forte. There’s nothing wrong with liking laying there and looking cute; tons of people also enjoy looking at pretty people! Wanting to be admired is a common kink, and it’s nothing to feel vain about. Plus, you likely are pretty after all- it’s just a fact, we don’t make up the rules!

5. You’re more talk than action (also no shame, teach me)

If you enjoy dirty talk but don’t necessarily take action on your words, there’s a good chance you’re a pillow princess. After all, it makes sense since you can easily talk from any comfy position. It’s a way to engage in intimacy without having to lift a finger, as it should be for a princess. By the way, please share your dirty talk scripts with me for research. I promise…

6. You love being tied up because you can do nothing

Some pillow princesses like being tied up– because they get to relax and let their partner take control! They don’t have to do anything because they can’t do anything. Thus, it makes sense why a princess might feel comfortable with some bondage.

7. You love sex toys

Sex toys are a pillow princess’s best friend because they take a lot of the work away. Why does all that work when a press of a button has got you covered? If you’re a bigger fan of sex toys than most for this reason, you might be a part of the royal family.

8. You can watch TV while you’re having a good time

Along with lounging, pillow princesses love to continue watching whatever show or movie is on while getting intimate. Pillow-princessing is a lifestyle, and all forms of pampering are priority #1, including watching your favorite show.

Are pillow princesses bad in bed?

Contrary to misconceptions, pillow princesses are not inherently ‘bad in bed.’ Instead, they bring a unique perspective to intimate encounters, fostering mutual respect and pleasure within the dynamic. Partnerships with pillow princesses thrive on understanding, communication, and a shared appreciation for each other’s desires.

Pillow princesses are often known for being experts in dirty talk and can curate one hell of a sex toy collection. Sure, they might not be for everyone, but they have a very special place in the queer ecosystem. 

They tend to pair well with a nice service top, domme, etc. They’re also great if you want somebody who can have sex while consuming a Netflix docu-series. (Taking Netflix and chill to the next level.) And if the princess in your life happens to be a high femme with an elaborate skincare routine, make sure to get them a nice silk pillowcase. They’ll be yours forever! 

Navigating intimacy with open communication

In relationships involving a pillow princess, open communication is paramount. Discussing desires, boundaries, and preferences ensures that both partners feel valued and fulfilled. Intimacy transcends physical acts, encompassing emotional connection and mutual understanding.

Do your thing, honey!

Whether you identify as a pillow princess, queen pillow princess, or any variation thereof, embracing your desires and preferences is an empowering journey. Within the LGBTQ community and beyond, acknowledging and celebrating diverse expressions of sexuality enriches our understanding of pleasure and intimacy.

As you navigate your own path of self-discovery, remember that your identity as a pillow princess is valid and deserving of respect. 

Embrace your inner royalty, and may your journey be filled with pleasure, intimacy, and unapologetic self-expression.

Learn more with HER

HER is a queer dating & community app for connecting with LGBTQ+ women, nonbinary, and trans folks in your area 🙂

Unlike most dating apps, HER is for making authentic, lasting connections with others. Download HER app today to connect with fellow women-loving women near you and find your community (or even your special someone!).

Robyn Exton

Robyn is the CEO & Founder of HER. Find her on Twitter.

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