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What exactly is a pillow princess?

Robyn Exton

Sep 08, 2022

What exactly is a pillow princess?

You’ve likely heard the term ‘pillow princess’ by now, and maybe you’ve even wondered if you are said royalty. So, “What exactly is a pillow princess?” you ask. 

In a nutshell, a pillow princess is a woman or femme, typically lesbian or LGBTQ+, who prefers to be the receiver during intimacy – thus, lying down comfortably on her pillow like a princess! 

The term dates back to the 1990s, used to describe femmes in femme-butch relationships. It’s also commonly used to describe baby lesbians or queer women new to exploring their first queer relationships –  who might be too shy to take control just yet! 

Is this princess behavior starting to sound familiar to you? Keep reading to find out if it’s time to claim your tiara. 


What does pillow princess mean?

A pillow princess is part of lesbian slang. It’s a queer, gay, bi, or pan woman/non binary person who likes to remain horizontal during sex — like a horny, lazy mermaid. 

Pillow princesses are what we would refer to in the gay community as a “bottom,” only the opposite of a “power bottom” — a powerless bottom? They’re a bottom who basically likes to lie there and vibe (sometimes literally). 

They’re there to enjoy themselves, and they don’t really look forward to reciprocating. That’s not to say that a pillow princess has never topped, they probably have. They just got tired after a few minutes (seconds?) and gave up. Or if they do end up returning the favor, they’re most likely in a horizontal, head-propped-on-a-pillow position. Like a horny, lazy mermaid. 

A pillow princess isn’t going to break a sweat when they have sex, unless it’s due to their own orgasm. Their favorite positions are missionary or lying on their stomach. Like a horny, lazy beached whale. You could sit on their face, but they’re more likely to fall asleep that way. They’re submissive in a I’ll-do-it-if-I-don’t-have-to-move kind of way, which can still be really hot, to be honest. 


How do I know if I am one?

Lots of qualities make up a pillow princess, but typically they do enjoy receiving. They prefer to be submissive and let their partner take over while they relax and receive. Pillow princesses aren’t necessarily lazy either. They might just be timid, feel secure when others take control, and/or feel pleasure when catered to. 

1. You’re a Receiver and Not Really a Giver

If you prefer to exclusively receive sexual stimulation than give, you might just be a pillow princess. This doesn’t mean you don’t care about your partner feeling good– you might just not enjoy it or even feel intimidated by it. Thus, you prefer to stay cozy on your throne (aka your bed) and let your boo take over. 

2. Your Favorite Positions Are When You’re Lying Down

Pillow princesses love to stay lying down during sex– because what position is more comfortable than that? If your favorite sex position looks identical to your favorite lounging or napping position, you’re likely a pillow princess. 

This doesn’t mean you’re lazy either – you might only be able to enjoy yourself when the pressure’s off! Here, you don’t need to impress with crazy poses, and some positions, like missionary, might allow you to create a level of comfort that’s supportive of being able to climax.  

3. You’ll Quickly Communicate When You’re Uncomfortable

Another giveaway for pillow princesses is being quick to communicate when you’re physically uncomfortable– because the whole point of being a pillow princess is being comfy, after all if you’re quick to let your partner know that your arm is slightly squished or the pillow under your head isn’t quite right, welcome to the club. 

Bonus points if you need to make sure your satin sheets and cozy pile of pillows are ready before even getting started.

4. You Enjoy Laying There and Looking Pretty (No Shame)

Pillow princesses are princesses for a reason, so being admired is their forte. There’s nothing wrong with liking laying there and looking cute, and tons of people also enjoy looking at pretty people! Wanting to be admired is a common kink, and it’s nothing to feel vain about. Plus, you likely are pretty after all- it’s just a fact, we don’t make up the rules!

5. You’re More Talk Than Action (Also No Shame)

If you enjoy dirty talk, but not taking action on your words, there’s a good chance you’re a pillow princess. It does make sense after all, since you can easily talk from any comfy position. It’s a way to engage in intimacy without having to lift a finger, as it should be for a princess.

6. You Love Being Tied Up Because You Can Do Nothing

Some pillow princesses like being tied up– because they get to relax and let their partner take control! They don’t have to do anything because they can’t do anything. Thus, it makes sense why a princess might feel comfy with some bondage.

7. You Love Sex Toys

Sex toys are a pillow princess’s best friend because they take a lot of the work away. Why do all that work when a press of a button has got you covered? If you’re a bigger fan of sex toys than most for this reason, you might be a part of the royal family.

8. You Can Watch TV While You’re Having a Good Time

Along with lounging, pillow princesses love to continue watching whatever show or movie is on while getting intimate. Pillow-princessing is a lifestyle, and all forms of pampering are priority #1, including watching your favorite show.


Are pillow princesses bad in bed?

You might think pillow princesses are bad in bed, but they’re just bad in bed in a cute way. Jk! They’re goddesses here for the worshipping. They’re also experts in dirty talk and can curate one hell of a sex toy collection. Sure, they might not be for everyone, but they have a very special place in the queer ecosystem. They tend to pair well with a nice power top, domme, etc. They’re also great if you want somebody who can have sex while binging a Netflix docu-series. (Taking Netflix and chill to the next level.)And if the princess in your life happens to be a high femme with an elaborate skincare routine, make sure to get them a nice silk pillowcase. They’ll be yours forever! 


Learn more with HER

HER is a queer dating & community app for connecting with LGBTQ+ women, nonbinary, and trans folks in your area 🙂

Unlike most dating apps, HER is for making authentic, lasting connections with others. Download HER app today to connect with fellow women-loving women near you and find your community (or even your special someone!).

Robyn Exton

Robyn is the CEO & Founder of HER the world's largest brand for LGBTQ womxn & queer people. Also runs London Queer Fashion Show. Find her on LinkedIn or Twitter.

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