Platonic Partnerships: What They Are and How to Know if They’re Right For You

Platonic partnerships are nothing new. In the late 1700s, the ladies of Llangollen received worldwide attention for their “unconventional” partnership. By the early 20th century, the term “Boston marriage” was coined, referring to two women who lived together (sometimes romantically, sometimes platonically).   

Today, many queer folks are trying different types of relationships and recognizing that it isn’t always realistic for one person to meet all our needs.

Let’s explore the meaning of platonic partnerships, what they look like, and how to know if a platonic partnership is right for you!   

Platonic Partnership Meaning

Platonic partners share a close bond and a deep level of commitment – without sex or romance. They may share a home, finances, children, and life goals.

What do platonic partnerships look like and how do they work? 

Let’s look at a few key components of platonic partnerships: 

Companionship:

Getting to spend every day with someone you care about and feel comfortable around can be deeply rewarding. 

Commitment:

Like any other LGBTQ partner, platonic partners see themselves as life partners with a long-term commitment. They may have other partners or just each other.

Emotional support:

This support often goes beyond casual friendship and looks like the emotional support you would share with a partner or best friend.

Shared life goals: 

These may include buying a home together, raising children, traveling, or pursuing individual career goals.   

What is an example of a platonic relationship?

April Lee and Renee Wong consider each other platonic “soulmates”. Not only do they share an apartment and finances, but they have also supported each other through pivotal challenges, personal growth, and many big milestones. While they’re free to date others, they find comfort in their long-term commitment to one another. 

Linda and Christopher divorced after Linda came out as gay, but continued living together with their two kids. When Linda and her girlfriend Maddie decided to have a child, Christopher offered to be their sperm donor. The three adults have committed to living and co-parenting their soon-to-be three children together. Pretty amazing right?! 

How to know if a queerplatonic relationship is right for you

Some questions to ask yourself:

• What do I want/need from a queer life partner? 
• What am I comfortable (or not comfortable) sharing/experiencing with a platonic partner? 
• Am I comfortable with me and/or my platonic partner having romantic and/or sexual partnerships with others? 
• Would a platonic partnership allow me to achieve my relationship and/or life goals? 

How to cultivate platonic partnerships

1. Know what your wants, needs, and boundaries are in a relationship. This is the first step in cultivating any relationship.
2. Put yourself out there! HER is a great place to make connections with like-minded people. 
3. Discuss your relationship goals with potential partners. Make sure you and your partner are on the same page.
4. Communicate, communicate, communicate! We can often slack on these things once we’re in a relationship, but it’s key to a healthy relationship. 

FAQs

What is the difference between a platonic partner and a friend? 

	Platonic Partnership	Platonic Friendship
Long-Term Commitment	More common	Less common
Shared Life Goals	More common	Less common
Emotional Support	More common	Common, but varies
Value/Importance	Often a primary relationship	Secondary relationship(s)

What are the benefits of a platonic life partner?

• Having someone to share a life with
• Emotional support 
• Less pressure for a romantic and/or sexual bond
• Freedom to explore other relationships 
• More stability and less heartbreak
• Getting to hang out with your best friend 24/7! 

Why are people choosing platonic life partners?

• They realize they can’t or don’t need to get all of their needs met by one partner.
• They want to enjoy the benefits of a committed partnership without the sex/romance.
• A platonic partnership is a better fit and/or more stable than a traditional partnership. 
• They formed a deep platonic bond and want to honor that by committing to each other.

Can platonic soulmates fall in love?

Absolutely! However, most people choose platonic partnerships because they’re comfortable keeping things platonic.

Can platonic partners raise children together?

Definitely! Platonic partners may choose to have kids and share parenting responsibilities.

Are platonic partnerships only for people who identify as asexual?

No, platonic partnerships can work for people of all sexual orientations!  

Check out our guide to asexual dating to help you meet an LGBTQ partner(s) and find community with HER. 

Conclusion

Today, more people are open to exploring different types of relationships that don’t fit the molds of the past. Platonic partnerships allow people to enjoy the benefits of a committed relationship without the romantic and/or sexual pressure. There is no one right way – just what works for you and your partner(s).