8 Confident ways to approach someone at an LGBTQ+ event

Picture this with me: you’re at a hot new club night just for sapphics. The music is awesome, the vibe is right, and you’re having an incredible time. You spot a gorgeous masc near the bar and you think this is it, I need to talk to her. And then… Well, you go up to the bar, make awkward eye contact, and just order a drink instead and slink away. 

We’ve all been there. 

Walking up to someone at an LGBTQ+ event doesn’t have to feel like a boss battle. The trick is to meet the moment: read the space, lead with respect, and keep it light. Whether you’re at Pride, a sober meetup, a queer film screening, or a HER hangout, the same core moves apply. Start with the vibe, use inclusive language, and offer low-pressure ways to keep talking. Below we’ve gathered eight ways to approach someone at an event with confidence, but without steamrolling boundaries or killing the mood. They’re grounded in LGBTQ+ social etiquette and the lived reality of sapphic spaces, so you can make a genuine connection. And if it clicks, great!  If not, you’ll still leave with your dignity and a few new community touchpoints. Plus, you’ll be able to say “hell yeah, I went up there and talked to her” and not be left wondering about “aw man, I should have just….”

HER: Start with the vibe of the event

Reading the vibe just means clocking the mood, energy level, and context of the event so your approach matches the room. A Pride street party is loud and playful, a queer poetry night is slower and more intimate. They’re both lovely nights out, but they require very different strategies for making connections.

At high-energy events, bold openers or playful banter land better. At quieter gatherings, softer check-ins and gentle compliments feel safer and more welcome. If you’re unsure, take 2–3 minutes to look around. Ask yourself: what’s the dress code? how loud are the convos around me? Are people in tight friend pods or open clusters? 

Pride and community guides suggest letting the space set your tempo, and then flex as needed if things feel too reserved or overstimulating, rather than forcing a vibe that just isn’t there to start with (see the practical framing in this LGBTQ+ event guide for newcomers). LGBTQ+ Event Guide for Newcomers

Give a genuine compliment that goes beyond looks

Compliments are the easiest and least intrusive icebreaker. When done right, they can make a person light up, make their day, and create a little voice in their head that remembers the compliment days later. Just make sure that you keep them about expression, not bodies. Be specific: a hand-painted jacket panel, a sick pair of boots, a pronoun pin that made you smile, the way someone is hyping a performer. Great low-risk topics include:

• Clothing style or theme-inspired outfits
• Creative expression (makeup, art, pins, pronoun badges)
• Their contribution to the room’s energy or humor

Skip comments that sexualize or zero in on body parts. In queer spaces, intention and artistry matter; that’s how you show respect while still flirting. For more on not being “that” person at Pride, see this thoughtful take on reading cues and staying playful without being creepy. How to pick up a girl at Pride without seeming like a creep

Share your name and pronouns first

Normalize introductions that include pronouns. It’s practical, informative, and it signals care. Try: “Hey, I’m Quinn, they/she. How about you?” Pronouns are simply the words we use in place of someone’s name (she/her, they/them, he/him, and more), and using the right ones is affirmation 101 in sapphic spaces. For clear, community-centered guidance on pronoun best practices, see UC Davis’s primer on inclusive language. Pronouns and inclusive language explained You’ll also spot pronoun stickers or badge options at many events. Organizers add these because they reduce misgendering and help everyone feel seen, safe, and included, and we love that. LGBTQIA+ inclusive event planning practices

Ask open questions about the event or community

Open questions invite more than a yes/no answer and make space for someone’s story. Easy starters:

• “Which performer or speaker are you most excited for tonight?”
• “How did you hear about this group?”
• “What brings you out, is this your first time here or a regular?”

Keep the early convo event-focused; skip intensely personal topics until you’ve built some rapport. Networking guides for LGBTQ+ professionals recommend leading with curiosity about the space. The shared context of being at the same event at the same time lowers pressure for everyone. LGBTQ+ networking tips at conferences and events

Join group activities to ease into conversation

If one-on-one feels too intense (and believe us, we get that), slide into a group moment instead. Craft corners, game tables, dance floors, or discussion prompts can give you natural openings with no need for a “perfect” line. Look for hosts or volunteers; they’re usually delighted to introduce newcomers and can match you with people who share your interests. 

Benefits to group activities include:

• Low-pressure mingling (the activity carries some of the chat)
• Fewer awkward silences (built-in prompts)
• Instant common ground (you’re all doing the same thing)

Event design research highlights that structured micro-interactions help shy attendees engage without burnout. Strategies for inclusive networking experiences

Mirror their language and identity terms

Mirroring language means using the same words someone uses for their name, pronouns, and relationships (AKA “partner” vs. “girlfriend,” neopronouns vs. they/them, nickname vs. full name). This keeps you from assuming and shows respect. If you mess up a pronoun, apologize quickly, correct yourself, and move on. There’s no dramatic self-blame monologue needed. Mental health guidance for supporting LGBTQIA+ folks emphasizes that simple, consistent respect (including language) builds trust and safety. Supporting someone who is LGBTQIA+. For broader, inclusive phrasing across events, check DEI&B recommendations on neutral terms and avoiding gendered assumptions. Planning events inclusive of the LGBTQ+ community

Offer a soft exit with an invitation to connect later

Confidence also means knowing how to wrap up gracefully. If the flow dips, or you just want to keep things light, offer a soft exit plus an opt-in way to reconnect. Options for the graceful tap out can be: swap Instagram handles, suggest a future coffee/tea, or point to another upcoming meetup.

Situation	Example soft exit line
Event winding down	“I loved chatting—want to connect on Instagram?”
Shy/no clear signal	“I’ll catch you around, but here’s my number if you want!”
Group splitting up	“Wanna keep chatting later? No pressure either way!”

Consent is the whole point: leave space for a yes, a later, or a no. If you’re looking for low-key ways to cross paths again, HER’s community features make it easy to discover local meetups and keep in touch. Meet the HER community

Respect boundaries and go slow with escalation

Real confidence = tuned-in consent. 

Watch for nonverbal cues: crossed arms, short replies, stepping back, scanning the room, or angled feet often mean “not now.” If you sense hesitation, thank them and move on, with no convincing required. 

Keep early hangs in public, well-lit spaces, set up your own transport, and trust your gut if something feels off. Many organizers publish clear codes of conduct and zero-tolerance policies for harassment, meaning incidents of discrimination or harassment are addressed immediately to protect attendees. Steps for making events more inclusive for LGBTQ+ attendees If you’re easing into social life or reentering scenes after a quiet spell, friendly reads like this can help you warm up without the pressure. The not-so-many perks of being a lesbian wallflower

Frequently asked questions

How can I tell if someone is open to being approached at an LGBTQ+ event?

Look for warm eye contact, a relaxed stance, and responsive smiles; if they meet your “hi” with energy, you’ve got the green light to start chatting.

What’s the best way to introduce my pronouns naturally?

Share yours with your name, like “Hi, I’m Taylor, they/she”. This invites but doesn’t demand reciprocity.

How do I avoid making assumptions about gender and identity?

Use gender-neutral words like “they,” “partner,” and “folks” until someone shares their terms, or ask politely how they’d like to be addressed.

What should I do if I feel nervous about approaching someone?

Take a breath, anchor to the event (a compliment or open question), and remember that most other people there are a little nervous too.

How can I follow up respectfully after meeting someone?

Offer your handle or number and keep it low-pressure: “No worries if not—nice meeting you either way!”

Resources for Making the First Move at a Sapphic Event

LGBTQ+ Event Guide for Newcomers

5 Steps for Making Events More Inclusive for LGBTQ+ Attendees

LGBTQIA+ Inclusive Event Planning

7 Strategies for Inclusive Event Networking Experiences

Alumni Learning Consortium Download

DEI&B Discussions: Planning Events Inclusive of the LGBTQ+ Community