Robyn Exton, Jill O'Sullivan, Mook Phanpinit, Jessica Serviat
Robyn is the CEO & Founder of HER. Find her on Twitter.
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Robyn Exton, Jill O'Sullivan, Mook Phanpinit, Jessica Serviat
Apr 16, 2026
Talking about asexuality when you’re dating someone can feel… a little vulnerable, if we’re being honest.
Like, you care about them, you want to be open, but you also don’t want it to feel heavy or awkward. If you’ve ever thought, “how do I say this without making it weird?”, you’re definitely not the only one.
Here’s the thing: sharing your asexuality isn’t something you need to apologise for. It builds trust. It builds clarity. And it’s how you make connections that actually work for you.
Whether this is a first conversation or something you’re bringing up later on, these tips are here to help you do it in a way that feels honest, grounded, and still soft.
Short answer: choose a moment where you both feel calm and present.
Timing matters, but not in a “perfect strategy” kind of way. More in a “are we both calm and actually present?” kind of way.
It’s usually easier to have this conversation when you’re not distracted, not stressed, and not halfway through something else. So yeah… maybe not mid-Netflix or while scrolling TikTok.
Some people prefer to share early to avoid mixed expectations. Others wait until there’s a bit more trust. Both are valid.
There’s no perfect timing. Just what feels safe for you.
| Disclosure timing | Pros | Cons |
| Early | Clears expectations, saves time | May feel vulnerable before trust builds |
| Later | Allows emotional connection first | Risk of misunderstanding about expectations |
Our advice: keep it simple and honest.
You don’t need a perfect speech for this.
A clear, simple sentence is enough: “I’m asexual, which means I don’t experience sexual attraction.”
That’s it.
If you want to soften the entry, you can say: “I want to share something about how I experience attraction, just so we’re on the same page.”
Clarity builds trust.
You don’t need to over-explain unless you want to.
If you feel like you need a bit more language around that, this article on understanding asexuality can help.
Bottom line: focus on your experience, not just the label.
Asexuality is a spectrum, which means your experience is personal.
If it helps, you can share where you fall:
But labels are just a starting point. What really matters is how you experience connection.
For example:
You’re not explaining a definition. You’re sharing your version of it.
If you’re still figuring out where you sit, HER’s LGBTQ+ glossary can help break down some of these terms.
In simple terms: asexuality doesn’t remove connection, it just changes how it shows up.
This is where confusion can come up, so keeping it simple helps.
Being asexual doesn’t mean you don’t want closeness. It just means you experience attraction differently.
You can break it down like this:
So yes, you can absolutely want love, dates, cuddles, shared routines… without sex being part of it.
Focusing on what does feel good keeps the conversation grounded in connection, not limitation.
The idea is simple: you don’t have to explain everything at once.
If your partner has questions, that’s usually a good sign. It means they care enough to understand.
You can set the tone with something like: “It’s okay if you have questions, or if you need time to process this.”
You don’t have to answer everything right away. And you don’t have to be the only resource either.
This isn’t a one-time conversation. It’s something that can unfold over time.
What matters most: say what feels okay and what doesn’t.
Being open about what feels comfortable for you is part of building something safe and respectful.
You can keep it simple and practical. For example:
| Comfortable with | Not comfortable with |
| Cuddling, kissing, shared baths | Sexual intercourse, explicit touching |
Pretending to be okay with something rarely leads to closeness.
If your partner pressures you or dismisses your boundaries, that’s not miscommunication. That’s not respect.
It’s a huge red flag.
And that’s something you don’t have to accept.
If you want help figuring out how to express those preferences, HER’s approach to sharing intimacy and relationship preferences offers a good starting point.
At the end of the day, you’re in control of what you share and when.
You get to decide who knows, when they know, and how much you share.
If you’re not ready to be open more widely, it’s completely okay to ask your partner to keep this private. If you’re navigating this conversation for the first time, this guide on telling your partner you’re asexual can offer additional perspective.
And if at any point you feel dismissed, pressured or unsafe, that matters.
Asexuality isn’t something to debate or fix.
That’s it.
If someone can’t meet you with respect, that’s not a failure on your part. It’s just not the right match.
Spaces like HER can help here too, whether through community, shared experiences, or just being somewhere you don’t have to explain yourself from scratch.
If you’re still wondering how to approach this, here are a few common questions.
Ideally before things get serious… but only when it feels right for you. Trust your own pace.
If you’ve explained it clearly and they still don’t respect it, it’s probably not a compatibility issue, it’s a values mismatch. You deserve understanding, not persuasion.
Keep it simple. Share what it means for you, and let the conversation grow from there.
Yes. Many asexual people enjoy romance, affection and emotional closeness, just without sexual attraction.
You don’t have to do this alone. Queer spaces, ace communities and platforms like HER can help. You can also explore practical advice in these ace dating tips for navigating relationships more confidently.
For more asexual and queer relationship insights, explore HER’s community stories and ace‑dating tips at HER.
Robyn Exton, Jill O'Sullivan, Mook Phanpinit, Jessica Serviat
Robyn is the CEO & Founder of HER. Find her on Twitter.
