Blog Post

Out on a Lim | Go Cuff Yourself!

Oh, the weather outside is frightful
But the plaid flannel is so delightful
And since we’ve no place to do stuff [due to covid]
Let us cuff! Let us cuff! Let us cuff! 

We’re undeniably in cuffing season, the time between Halloween and Valentine’s Day when people couple down to hibernate through the winter, or as is the case this year, the time to lock it down for lockdown.

Limiting your droplet exchange to one person is not just good for securing a cuddle buddy but is the medically responsible thing to do!

Like during the last call at the club or a hermetically isolating global pandemic, you might feel inclined to shackle the nearest warm body, but I’m here to provide encouraging advice on how to thrive during this season.

When One Door Closes, An App Opens!

Everything is online now–your work meetings, happy hours, yoga classes. If you’re not already on a dating app, get on it! Your grandparents probably met on Tinder.

For queer womxn, the HER app is a must-have where you can meet potential cuffees (?), connect with the community, and make friends.

HER also hosts online speed dating events and sessions where you can up your love, dating, and sex game while furtively shooting your shot with other attendees. 

So, it’s time to zhuzh up your profile and go back to school with Queer Dating 101!

The World is Your Oyster 😉

Since you’ve gone online, you just increased your dating pool by at least a million, maybe billions. That’s a lot of virtual dates!

And who knows what could happen in 2021? We might even be able to travel again – so “think globally, act locally (later)”!

Think Outside the Box

Take that however you want, but I’m suggesting you try non-digital and non-sexual ways to connect like sending a love letter or package through snail mail.

Maybe order a surprise delivery to your virtual cuffee from their favorite restaurant. Savor the sexy build–you’ll be so sprung for spring!

And slow your roll even if you’re irl…kissing in the time of corona is kinda like raw dogging it, so get to know your potential partners first.

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

But I totally get if you’re feeling discouraged by the dating scene, shorter days, and general shit show of 2020.

To that, I say in the most affectionate way possible…

Go Cuff Yourself!

It’s natural to feel wintertime blues, and a cuffing partner isn’t going to solve everything. Use this downtime to invest in yourself and feel whole on your own (even if you have a partner).

And to thrive every day, get your daily D.O.S.E. of happiness hormones–Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin, and Endorphins:

  • Exercise, including dancing around your room to your fave bops. I’ve been hitting the Dirty Dancing soundtrack!
  • Eat healthily and get your zzz’s.
  • Laugh with friends and family. Via zoom works too.
  • Hug people in your bubble or hug yourself, massaging your arms. Swaddle yourself in a weighted blanket. Cuddle a stuffed animal, pillow, or borrow-an-emotional-support-animal. I hang out with Mele, my landlord’s dog to get those furry friend vibes!!
Find someone who looks at you like…
  • Explore your own pleasure. Check out one of our Ask Me Anything expert interviews with our resident Pleasure Coach, Jennifer Eden (next one on Wed. Dec. 2nd).
  • Learn a new (solo) skill or hobby like squirting, apple carvings, or breadmaking (in case you missed the Great Global Baking Show earlier in the year). 
  • Share your newfound skill/hobby with others (maybe more the breadmaking than the squirting). 
  • Get sufficient sunshine or use a light therapy lamp.
  • Regularly see a good therapist (sometimes harder to find than a cuffee).
  • Celebrate traditions even if they look slightly different this year. Or start a new one!
  • Create a gratitude journal. There is always a lot to be thankful for if we’re looking for it – a delicious cup of tea, an engaging book, a long overdue friend catch-up.
  • Reflect on your learnings/wins for 2020 and your goals for 2021. Ring in the new New Year, Jan. 20th!

TRY THIS AT HOME: If you want to take the first step, download the HER app and explore the people, communities, and events. Also, set out time to try two things on this list, and Go Cuff Yourself!

With the uncanny way time has seemed to simultaneously fly by and slog through 2020, spring will be here before you know it!


Nicole (she/her) is the editor of the HER newsletter and a queer events producer (creator of Queer Dating 101), executive/life/dating coach, avid shark diver, and author of the upcoming memoir, The No Plan PlanIn this column, Out on a Lim, she focuses on intentionally “learning things the hard way” by trying anything twice so you don’t have to (unless you want to!). Check out Nicole on IG|web|newsletter, and share your experiences or ideas for what to explore next! 🤙 🌈