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Apr 13, 2022
We all secretly desire it – a partner who showers us with compliments every day. Social media culture can make us feel pathetic for asking our partners to be more outward with their desire and attraction for us, and if they love us – why should we have to ask anyway?
In reality, it’s more nuanced than your partner simply not liking you anymore. Love languages can greatly vary and for the words of affirmation people, one compliment now and then isn’t going to take the cake. In a long-term relationship, it’s easy to settle into a comfortable routine where the playful flirting at the beginning gets lost.
Anger and resentment may boil up, but this doesn’t have to be the state of the relationship forever. Bringing the spark back to your relationship can be as simple as integrating more intentional time or giving a few compliments a day.
Not sure where to start? Try these.
Download HER appOne of the things that tend to go first in a mature relationship is constant date nights. What started as a weekly event to put on your best outfit and enjoy a night with your boo soon fades into a possible movie night once a month. The excitement of looking your best and seeing your boo look good too becomes a thing of the past.
Get sparks flying by aiming for a weekly date night with your special person. It can be as simple as planning a fancy dinner at home and getting dressed up or visiting your favorite restaurant and putting on your finest outfit. Simply getting fancy can spark compliments and give a reminder of why you fell in love in the first place. You’ll be able to bond and rebuild the chemistry which is sure to turn up the flirtiness.
It may seem obvious, make eye contact while talking to someone. But do you ever pay attention to how much eye contact you’re truly making with those around you when they speak to you? How many times are you busy looking at your phone while someone’s talking to you? How many times are you only halfway listening while a loved one is trying to talk to you?
Taking a moment to focus on what your partner is saying uninterrupted can make a huge difference in your intimacy levels. Try looking into your special someone’s eyes when they tell you about their day or a funny video that they watched online. You may be surprised at the closeness it brings back.
To take it one step further- try staring into their left eye particularly. One study shows that looking at the left eye particularly can instantly build intimacy. Either way, you’ll be sure to feel closeness because of the increased attention as well.
The days when you jumped with joy seeing their name on your phone may be long gone. Now text messages may be limited to asking them to pick up some milk from the store or confirming a plan.
Bring back some of the spice in your relationship by randomly sending your boo a sweet or sexy message to spice up their day. Sending them a flirty message while they’re at work gives a tease and builds anticipation for seeing each other later. Remind them what they’re coming home to with a series of carefully planned sexts.
Keep things exciting by trying something new together. Taking a risk and exploring new is a great way to keep the spark alive. With the whirlwind of work and other priorities, you may not even realize that you and your special person may be stuck in the same routine daily. Now is a great time to go on that hike you guys were always talking about or taking that cross-country road trip you’ve been putting off.
By taking time to do something together intentionally, it gives you guys something to bond over and something new to talk about. You can also keep the spark alive by taking risks together and bringing a new sense of adventure to your lives.
Bonding and having shared experiences is one of the best ways to build closeness in a relationship and there’s no better way to do this than bonding over a new activity together.
This one may seem obvious, but spicing up your sex life can bring a whole new light to your relationship. Strong sexual chemistry usually involves lots of flirting and more, so a strong sex life equals strong flirting.
If you and your partner have fallen into a pretty lackluster sex routine, it may be time for you guys to have a conversation about some sexual desires or fantasies that you both have. Trying a new position may also bring some spice to the bedroom. Having intimate conversations about your desires, as well as trying them out is sure to bring back the closeness you guys started out with.
In addition to fantasies and positions, you can also add lingerie or toys into the bedroom for a whole new experience. Surprising your partner with a sexy new outfit is sure enough to turn up the flirtation in your life.
The most obvious thing you can do to spice up your sex life is to have more sex. If you’re unhappy with doing it only once a week, talk to your partner about it more. It’s easy to find yourselves busy and neglecting sex, but sexual intimacy is a huge part of building a connection.
HER is a great place to connect with people who can give great advice about how to spice things up with your partner. Join different communities or groups to connect with like-minded queer individuals who can help you. Download HER today!
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Alexandra hails from Boston, MA but is currently living in the DC Area. She's passionate about social justice, self-care, spirituality, and watching documentaries. She's no stranger to telling her story through writing and has written for a variety of freelance publications. You can find her on Instagram at @lexlexlexlexlex__.
