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I've Been Out For Three Years And I've Learned…

Apr 16, 2014

By Laura Ghafoor
People usually try to look for an explanation

Did you get sick of men? Did someone hurt you? Just what is it that made you gay? What could make you straight? 
Actually, I’m gay because I bloody love women. How could you not? They’re much easier on the eye than men; the curves of their hips and busts in or out of clothes is fascinating, they’re nicer to touch and they’re much, much better in the sack (in my experience).  Sometimes, people must ask out of curiosity because maybe I’m the first lesbian they’ve met and it must be a disappointment because I’m nothing special or exotic. I’m not a power dyke or as fancy as the characters on Lip Service so I bet I just don’t fit with their idea of a lesbian, but it’s when people ask the same thing again and again that makes it frustrating. Sometimes, thinking they might trick me, they slightly rephrasing their question, “So what is it that made you decide you were gay?”  It’s just down right rude and it gets boring for everyone pretty quickly.
I’m gay because I’m gay, it’s the only reason; just because.
Some men treat lesbians like one of the guys
Thing with us is that we’re women who fancy other women.  That’s right you read the first bit right; we are women (I know I’m not going too fast for you, but for some people it seems pretty tricky to fathom).  This seems to cause  conflict  in some peoples’  brains; they’re the ones who think that it’s okay to objectify women. But their mysoginism is not okay.  Some things are best kept in your thinker, so please, show women a bit of respect.  Women all over the world experience negative attitudes towards women everyday but it’s women who like women that receive a ‘special’ kind of treatment. We experience things like “Oh you’ll like this one“as a man shows us a snap of a half naked woman on their phone.  And why, exactly, would I “like” it? Oh, yes, I’m gay, that means that anything female and with a heartbeat better watch out around me.  And even if I can admire the beauty and find that woman hot, there’s an internal battle telling me that it’s not right to be like that.
That it’s not that easy to make lesbian friends. And that it doesn’t really matter, but I’d still like some.
After my friends realised it wasn’t a phase (yep, they tried that old chestnut on me, too) they were mostly incredibly cool with the fact that I’m gay (and why shouldn’t they be?!) and the ones who weren’t, I realised were no friends at all. But I would like to have more gay friends. Friends that I don’t just know through my girlfriend. I think if I’d have been out at uni then I probably would have, but I wasn’t and I don’t. I’m still not sure why it matters, but I do think it’s important. I actually quite like that Dattch lets you set your profile to girlfriend mode so everyone can see who’s just looking for friends.  Anyway, while we’re on the subject; I make a mean cuppa and can talk for hours. You bring the biscuits.  Lezbefriends.
Want to tell us what three things you’ve learned since coming out? Email
Laura loves tea and cake and kittens. She’s an obsessive planner, but also rubbish at sticking to plans and a terrible parker (she passed her driving test eighth time, out of sheer luck). Scribbling’s not her day job but here’s where she does it I think it’s that way: Finding the way around my twenties. You can follow her @loraghafoor (what an original handle!)

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