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May 30, 2019
Part 3
Surgery Day
So, I know last time we talked about diving into the mental preparation, but we’re not quite there in the story just yet. This time we’re going to talk about my surgery day. Now keep up with me, it’s going to be a wild ride composed of what I remember as it comes to me. We’ll call this segment “stream of consciousness”. The timeline will be all over the place, but bit by bit it’ll make sense, I promise. You ready? And awwwaaaayyyy we go! (ten points to your house if you got that Rick and Morty reference) (ten additional points if you got the Harry Potter reference within that Rick and Morty reference). Nerd.
I woke up feeling somewhat normal. I got dressed, brushed my teeth (good hygiene before you’re all up in people’s face) and went over everything we had packed up the night before. Pillow to act as a barrier between my chest and the seatbelt – check! Comfy, loose fitting pants, warm socks, house slippers and an over sized Oxford for the ride home – check! All pre-designated paperwork filled out and ready to go – check! Token good energy totems (‘Remember Who you Are’ necklace and stuffed Wishbone the Dog I’ve had since I was 5) – check! All good energy and well wishes carried with me in my spirit from my queer family and allies – check!
I drove to the doctor’s office. My surgeon was Dr Zol Kryger of the Kryger Institute in Thousand Oaks California. So, with traffic, we were looking at about a 2 hour drive. Also, mind you, I’ve been fasting since midnight and my surgery isn’t until 4 pm. My inner fat kid was raging! But I digress, it was the usual LA traffic which was only prolonging my nerves and anxiety. We arrived in one piece, checked in and my lovely wife filled out my paperwork to help eliminate some stress. Then, we waited patiently. Who am I kidding? My legs were twitching, I was so impatient and anxiety ridden, but I waited nonetheless. Before I knew it, the nurse was bringing me back. This portion you do alone since it’s mainly just changing and prepping.
The nurse put me in the cleanest bathroom I’d ever been in in my life, complete with a locker where I could store my clothes. She left me a gown that I changed into, as well as those super fashionable brown with the rubber bottom hospital socks. I was then informed I needed to provide a urine sample. Well of course I had just peed because I didn’t think they would need that day of. Also I’ve been fasting, so I’m not exactly hydrated. After about 15-20 minutes of trying to will myself to pee, alas nothing happened. SO the nurse proceeded to tell me she didn’t know if she should tell me, but she’ll tell me anyway, the reason they need the urine sample is for a pregnancy test. HA! I said well how ironic seeing as how you need a uterus and a cervix to get pregnant and I have neither (medical condition I was born with called MRKH, I’m a lucky 1 in 5,000) So needless to say she was baffled, as doctors and nurses always are when I tell them that. She didn’t know how to proceed so she left the room and came back with the thumbs up. No pee necessary. Which was good for them because they weren’t getting any anyway. She then proceeds to give me the smoothest IV I’ve ever gotten in my life and I’ve been stuck quite a bit. She also gave me two pills for something I cannot recall at the moment. I’ll tell you if and when it comes back to me. After that we had the green light. My wife (Mads) came in and held my hand while we waited on the anesthesiologist.
The nurse had a lot of high praise for this guy (the anesthesiologist) and his bed side manner definitely lived up to the hype. He, very thoroughly, explained what to expect both before and after I wake up. Answered all comments and concerns and of course made sure there was no medical history of bad reactions to anesthesia. Then my surgeon came in. My surgeon was a pretty nice Jewish doc. He didn’t seem to have the best social skills, as I imagine most surgeons lack anyway. He came in, did his little sharpie work, free hand artist that guy, and said “Ok, if you’re ready so are we”. I hugged and kissed Mads bye and walked into the operating room where the anesthesiologist and surgical nurse were waiting for me.
I got on the table and we proceeded to banter back and forth a bit. They asked me about my pets and life. I saw him insert a syringe into my IV and we laughed some more, we talked about………well I don’t know what we talked about because that sly son of a bitch drugged me and I was out without so much as a warning. Well, to be honest, I much preferred it that way so touché good sir, touché. So I assume I passed out.
The next thing I remember, I woke up briefly and saw a nurse sitting at a computer in the far corner of the room and then I was out again. I remember waking up to Mads and asking her if she’d talked to Dad. She thought I meant my biological Dad, but I meant my work Dad. My folks and I don’t really speak. Transgender and Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t mix, who’d have thunk it?? I remember FaceTiming work Mom and Dad briefly and then I was out again. I remember Mads handing me a really dope avengers blanket she had gotten for me, best wife ever. After that, I remember being helped into the car and yeah, getting home.
Once I was home I slept for a bit and when I woke up I was lucid. Mads kept me on track with my painkillers. I was prescribed Narco which I’ve never taken before, but it was doing the trick. I do remember being nauseous but I had Zofran for that. It was a dissolvable tablet that tasted horrible, but it worked. All in all, my surgery day went off without a hitch. Surgery day is a breeze for most, it’s what comes after that no one warns you about.
Oh! I also remember my surgeon coming into the room and saying this was some of the best work he’s done in all the cases he’s done. SO my prep work paid off!!