Select your language

Download HER

Tea with Auntie: Elephant in the Room

May 01, 2019

Elanore, 25: I’m pre-op trans lesbian, it’s really hard to date, well it’s an achievement to get someone to message me back. How can I get women to stop ignoring me? If they just messaged I would show them there’s ways around the elephant in the room but they won’t even give me a chance obviously because I’m trans.

Auntie: Woooooooooooooo child. If that doesn’t serve up a helping of ignorant with a big sip of tea. Emphasis on BIG. Now to answer your question, as open and accepting as people say they are they will try to use the premise of “it’s just my preference” or my favorite “you’re just not my type”. It could be anything and any excuse, so don’t put yourself down just because you are a wonderful trans lesbian. I have three actions you can try and I’ll leave the rest to the community to weigh in on.

  1. On your profile, post a challenge for the people who come across your account. “If you like cats and know all the seasons of GOT by heart, then why haven’t you swiped right yet?”. People can’t resist a challenge.
  2. HER specific, but have you used the Community? When you post in the Community anyone who comments or engages with your post you can then talk to. Gives you the opportunity to make the first move (not what you always want to do) but gets that foot in the door.
  3. Remove the discussion from your mind about being turned down for your identity, and show people who you are. So many people try to put trans people into boxes of body parts, and forget they are way more than that. Show off your interests, take the time to enjoy those people who see YOU and you’ll be much happier.

Community, sound off – what advice do you have?

Want your questions answered by Auntie? Submit them here

Newsletter Sign Up