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Tea with Auntie: My anxiety is showing

Dec 10, 2019

Tea with Auntie is a bi-weekly advice segment. Have questions you want Auntie to answer? Share your questions here:

I’m 20 years old and I’ve never had a romantic relationship (or sex). It really makes me anxious, and the thought of me being in a relationship gives me anxiety. Growing up with divorced parents didn’t really give me the best examples of a healthy relationship. I really want to start dating, but I’ve been too scared for a long time. My question is how do I get over these fears with dating as well as sex – Anonymous

Auntie: Firstly, you are 20 – don’t stress out for experiences that are very normal to not have engaged with by your age. And you listed out the topics you need to address before you should get out there. What is causing you anxiety? Is it fear of rejection? Getting hurt? Even knowing how to approach someone? These are the items you need to get to the root of before being able to put yourself out there for dating.
As well, would suggest talking to your friends about their dating experiences and read ones on the app. Ask questions, be open to answers and don’t be afraid to start in spaces that you are most comfortable in when you begin to date. In terms of sex, have you masturbated before? Set the mood, grab your favorite erotica, porn, etc. and enjoy yourself. Treat yourself to a new toy and get comfortable with exploring you. Then you can take those tactics into your dating and sex life. Remember, it’s a marathon – not a sprint in terms of getting comfortable with you.

Community, any other advice? Sound off in the comments

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