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Everything you need to know about lesbian hookups

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Jun 14, 2023

Everything you need to know about lesbian hookups

You may have recently come out of the closet as a lesbian. Or perhaps you’ve finally found your way out of a long-term relationship plagued with a lack of physical intimacy — otherwise known as lesbian bed death — and are finally ready to enter your slut era.

No matter how you’ve found yourself single, you might be asking where does anyone find lesbian hookups these days?

Surely, women are out there somewhere getting freaky with each other all the time in this post-pandemic world. So where can you find other single lesbians to hook up with? And how do you navigate the lesbian dating scene? If these are some of the questions you’ve been asking lately, you’re not alone.

Finding other women to sleep with or date can be challenging. We’ve got everything you need to know about lesbian hookups. This is your comprehensive guide to lesbian hookups. Learn how to hook up safely, recognize stereotypes about lesbian relationships and sex, and discover where to find your next date.


What is lesbian hookup culture?

Have you tried online dating before or downloaded, deleted, and re-downloaded all the lesbian hookup apps? Or maybe you are the type of lez who browses the LGBTQIIA+ section of your local bookshop or the Pride collection at Target waiting for the woman or your dreams to walk by. Regardless, lesbian hookup culture is alive and well.

Source: Chad Madden

The truth is that lesbians have been hooking up with each other and cruising public spaces since the dawn of time. While gay men in the LGBTQ+ community are more known for proclivity for hookups, there is a common misconception that women who love women don’t want or simply can’t have casual sex.

Don’t get me wrong, there are certainly those of us in the community who have a tendency to U-Haul. But contrary to popular belief, not all queer women on the dating scene are looking for committed relationships. The trope that lesbians can’t just hook up with each other without jumping headfirst into a committed relationship is absolutely false.

Lesbian, bisexual, and queer women’s sexual and romantic needs are expansive and diverse. Whether you’re in a non-monogamous relationship or you’re newly single and ready to get back on the dating scene, there are many ways you can find other women out there who are also looking for NSA hookups.

At HER, we know that many different types of people identify as lesbians including trans women and intersex women, as well as transmasculine, nonbinary, and other gender expansive people. Lesbian hookup culture has always included a diverse range of gender expressions and gender identities!


Where to find single lesbians near you

Source: Tallie Robinson

I have a few tips for navigating online dating as a lesbian for you. With so many online dating sites and queer hookup apps, it’s hard to know which ones to use. Depending on where you live, it can be challenging to find other queer women or non-binary who you are attracted to. This is especially true if you are living in a more rural, conservative, or isolated area.

Wouldn’t it be nice if you just find your next hookup by locating the geotag of every single lesbian or bisexual woman near you? Unfortunately, the technology isn’t quite there yet.

Lucky for you, these days there are tons of lesbian hookup apps. On HER, you can score hot dates, hook up with hot women, or meet a community of other LGBTQ+ people near you.


Are hookups safe on the apps?

The good news is that lesbian dating apps are a super safe way to find single lesbians near you. Many young queer women are using the power of online dating to find hot hookups and have casual sex with zero commitment. Did you know that more than half of LGBTQ+ single people have dated or had sex with someone they met online?

Source: Shingi Rice

HER has over 10 million genuine and verified members, all of whom must connect an existing social media account to access the app. We take proactive safety measures to make sure that you feel safe to date and meet other queer people online.

This includes a team of moderators who review and approve profile content to ensure your safety and comfort at all times. On HER, you can also make friends with all types of other lesbians by chatting in forums or attending local LGBTQ+ events in your area.


How to communicate during lesbian hookups

Communication before, during and after sex is natural and healthy. Lesbian sex really is so much hotter when you talk to each other, despite what the mainstream media has portrayed. It can be empowering and rewarding to make sure you are on the same page as your sexual partners.

Source: Charles Deluvio

You can practice asking about your partners’ sexual health history or whether they have been tested for STIs recently. It’s also a good idea to talk about your expectations for the evening, whether that’s drinks, dinner, or more. If navigating the conversation makes you nervous, consider sending a message to ask these types of questions before you meet up. Some good things to ask could be:

  • What are you into sexually?
  • Are you a top, bottom or a switch?
  • How do you like to be complimented?
  • What language do you use for your body parts?
  • How much communication do you like during sex?
  • When was your last sexual health screening?
  • Are there any sexual activities that are off limits for you?

Maybe you are more of an in-the-moment type of lesbian. If so, take a pause when things start heating up in the bedroom to discuss some of these things. Who said anticipation wasn’t sexy?

At first, it might feel awkward to ask these types of questions while hooking up but remember: practice makes perfect! When you communicate about sex and boundaries, you can help ensure that nothing unexpected comes up. This way, you and your partner can stay present and savor every mouthwatering moment.


Is it bad to want casual sex without commitment?

No way! Casual sex is a healthy part of human sexuality. Maybe you are newly single and looking for a one-night-stand. Perhaps you are non-monogamous or polyamorous and want a regular fuck buddy or someone to explore a new kink with.

Source: Colin Lloyd

Either way, you aren’t a jerk for just wanting to hook up with someone! However, communication is essential. If you are just looking for NSA sex, this might be something you want to communicate on your profile.

Make sure that you and your hookup talk about what you are both available for in terms of commitment. It’s important to know what kind of connection each person is looking for before you jump into bed together. Remember, there is nothing hotter than good communication.


Speaking of good communication, let’s talk about consent. Consent is all about an enthusiastic YES. Full consent is when someone gives you a voluntary, informed, and enthusiastic “yes” to your requests to engage in sexual activities. Anything less than this is not full consent.

Consent is an ongoing conversation rather than a one and done. This means that it can be given at any time and withdrawn at any time, even during sex. It’s always good to ask questions before you assume.

On the apps, you might ask someone if they like to talk dirty or want to exchange pics before hooking up. In person, you might ask someone “can I kiss you” before kissing them or “do you like to be touched like this,” while having sex. It’s important that everyone feels safe and empowered to switch things up at any point during a sexual hookup.


Sexual Health for Lesbian and Bisexual Women

There is a common myth that lesbians don’t need to use protection during sex. Maybe you’ve heard that lesbian women can’t catch or get STIs. This simply isn’t true. Women who have sex with other women are at risk of catching STIs when exchanging body fluids during sex such as herpes, chlamydia or genital warts.

The good news is there are ways you can protect yourself and practice safer sex. If you are using sex toys such as dildos and strap-ons, make sure to use new condoms for each partner or when switching between holes. You can sterilize your sex toys with mild soap and water after each use. Or you can boil them like the witches do—but only if they are 100% silicone, stainless steel, or made of borosilicate glass!

If you have cuts or sores in your mouth, avoid oral sex. Dental dams are also always an option, but they aren’t necessarily a fan favorite. Remember that some infections can be transmitted by hands, fingers, or scissoring.

Make sure to wash your hands before and after sex (especially if you chopped jalapeños). Feel free to also use plenty of water-based lube for any kind of vaginal penetration or anal fisting.


Lesbian hookup lines guaranteed to work when all else fails

Sometimes nothing gets the job done like a good old fashioned lesbian pick up line. When none of your other tactics have worked, try using some of the following on the next hottie you find.

  • So how do lesbians have $ex? It’s too complicated. I’d have to show you.
  • Did your license get suspended for driving all the girls crazy?
  • That shade of lipstick would look really great on me.
  • What’s your sign? I’ll tell you my big three.
  • You’re going to be like a Happy Meal tonight, the way I’m going to make you come with a toy inside.
  • Nice legs. They’d look better on my shoulders.
  • Did you get an inhaler? Cause I heard you got dat ass ma.
  • I love your hands.
  • Wanna come over and then come over and over and over again?
  • I love your t-shirt. Looks like it’s made out of girlfriend material.


Ready to find your next lesbian hookup?

What are you waiting for? Download HER today and get ready to have the next mind-blowing hook up of your life today. Stay safe, stay sexy, and stay super gay!

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Dusty Brandt Howard is a writer & a fighter. He is a trans masculine cultural narrator who builds worlds with words. You can follow his thirst traps on Instagram, his writing on Substack, or find him at your local queer bar in northeast LA.

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