Apr 19, 2019
There comes the point in most relationships where sex and intimacy experience a dry spell. Quite frankly, it’s to be expected as there is an overwhelming number of factors that influence sexual desire.
On one hand, having less sex means that we are shifting our focus onto other priorities, such as raising a family or progressing in our career. On the other hand, health conditions, self-esteem, or dysfunction within relationship dynamics are also factors linked to lack of sex. Here are a few of the possible emotional barriers to sex you might encounter and ways to combat them for more fulfillment in your romantic relationship:
Self-Esteem
The relationship we have with ourselves affects the relationships we have with others, especially how we relate intimately to someone else. According to lesbian life coach, Jordana Michelle, “An obvious lack of confidence can be a huge turn-off. Women are turned off by insecurity and turned on by self-confidence. That’s why it’s so important.” If you suffer from poor self-confidence or body image, it can make intimacy seem far too intimidating.
But it’s important to remember that being intimate with a lover means that you are both sharing a moment of vulnerability. If your partner struggles with self-esteem issues, there are little tweaks you can make in the bedroom to reassure your partner that you’re focused on them at the moment for all of the right reasons. For example, tell them how they make you feel during sex and how much they turn you on. Hearing that will surely spice things up quickly and help build confidence for the both of you.
Uncertainty
The need for certainty is a natural instinct that we desire to feel secure and in control. Certainty offsets pain and stress and affects how much risk we’re willing to take in life and in our relationships. It’s this need that drives us to seek out pleasure. Talking about the uncertainties that preoccupy our minds can offset different facets of detachment in our relationship as well as resolve any diversions from being intimate.
Start by communicating with your partner about what you need to feel confident in your relationship to open the doors to intimacy. Provide her with a sense of comfort by sharing the responsibilities of good sexual health. Suppose that you’re experiencing a lower sex drive than usual. Know that this experience is quite common and can be caused by a variety of reasons. For starters, as we get older our sexual desire will change due to menopause, or major life changes. If this is concerning to you, opening up to your partner is important. Their support can be just what you need to seek help and take control of your sexual well-being. From there, your doctor may diagnose you with Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD). Fortunately, there are sexual techniques you can test out as well as medication to help increase your sexual desire.
Relationship Dynamics
There is an undeniably powerful connection between emotional and physical relationships. So, for couples to improve how they exhibit physical affection, it requires them to strengthen their emotional bond.
For there to be intimacy, there must be trust. Trust requires vulnerability, and vulnerability, in turn, requires great transparency of feelings. Being emotionally unavailable, for example, prevents the necessary emotional connection to be physically intimate because emotionally unavailable people don’t like hearing what their partner thinks or feels if it goes against what they want to hear.
It’s of substance to recount my previous affirmation that low sexual desire is a signal for both partners to grow; it’s a calling in the lack of passion that’s encouraging you to reach your highest potential as a lover and person. Sequentially, prioritizing your relationship by making time for your partner, opening up, and making their needs and feelings equal to yours will strengthen your connection emotionally and physically.
