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Tea with Auntie: I'm so lost

Aug 13, 2019

Tea with Auntie is a bi-weekly advice segment. Have questions you want Auntie to answer? Share your questions here:

I’m so lost. My siblings think I’m in a phase and my parents just don’t accept my sexuality and gender. Every time I want to have a serious talk with them they don’t seem like they want to hear it. Most of the time they just laugh or make it seem like it’s not a big deal. I can’t seem to get the courage to talk to them about going to an LGBT meeting. I’ve gone out on dates with all kinds of nice gals and guys, but they never get past dates or flings. I don’t know how to let my family understand that this is me. They might think I’m a slut or something. My parents say they are liberal but they also are very traditional because they were raised in Mexico. But they raised me here (in the United States) with very liberal ideas. I always think that maybe one day they will understand who I am. But so far, nothing. I can’t move out because I’m a student and don’t have enough funds to live on my own. I love my family but I’m lost and barely getting to know who I really am. I feel like my family is holding me back and is toxic. – Sam, 19

Auntie: Hey Sam, definitely getting Auntie on a more serious subject today. To be a queer person of color in America is hard enough, and without the support of family makes it even harder. It sounds like your parents aren’t taking the time to understand something that they don’t understand, OR they are so concerned of what is considered “different” that they will simply not acknowledge it to keep their heteronormative life moving. Those traditional values, especially coming from Mexico, run deep – but doesn’t mean that you need censor yourself. Not sure if you are a commuter or if you live on campus, but if you do take advantage of your schools LGBTQ+ resources. You’re in college, that is your freedom right there. Take advantage of the time you spend there, connect with other students, volunteer in the campus center – your parents don’t need to know what is happening during your day. As well, would start establishing boundaries around your freedom. You are 19 years old, this means that you are an adult. Even with the limitations around money and such, try getting your parents to understand that you are in college and will be out doing things on your own time. And while you’re out there, save some money, go to those meetings and be with the people you want to. Parents never need to know everything, that’s what Aunties are for 😉

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