Robyn Exton, Dustin Brandt Howard, Mook Phanpinit, Jessica Serviat
Robyn is the CEO & Founder of HER. Find her on Twitter.
Robyn Exton, Dustin Brandt Howard, Mook Phanpinit, Jessica Serviat
Jun 14, 2023
Lesbian hookups can look different for everyone, whether you’re newly out, newly single, or simply ready to enter your slut era. Maybe you’ve recently come out as a lesbian, or perhaps you’ve finally found your way out of a long-term relationship and are ready to meet someone new.
No matter how you’ve found yourself single, you might be asking: How do I find lesbian hookups? Surely, women are out there somewhere getting freaky with each other all the time. But finding them and figuring out how to navigate the lesbian dating scene isn’t always so simple.
If these are some of the questions you’ve been asking lately, you’re not alone. Finding other women to sleep with or date can be challenging. We’ve got everything you need to know about lesbian hookups, from finding people near you and hooking up safely to recognizing stereotypes about lesbian relationships and sex.
Lesbian hookup culture is all about casual connections between lesbians and other sapphic people, whether you meet through dating apps, queer spaces, events, or out in the wild.
Maybe you’ve recently come out, left a long-term relationship, or you’re simply ready to enter your slut era. Perhaps you’ve downloaded, deleted, and re-downloaded every lesbian hookup app, or you’re the type of lez browsing your local bookshop, waiting for the woman of your dreams to walk by.
Lesbians and other sapphic people have a long history of hooking up and finding each other in public and community spaces.
Don’t get me wrong, there are certainly those of us in the community who have a tendency to U-Haul. But contrary to popular belief, not all queer women on the dating scene are looking for committed relationships. Lesbians can want casual sex, committed relationships, or anything in between.
Source: Chad Madden
Lesbian, bisexual, and queer women’s sexual and romantic needs are expansive and diverse. Whether you’re in a non-monogamous relationship or newly single and ready to get back on the dating scene, there are plenty of other people out there looking for NSA hookups, too.
At HER, we know that many different types of people identify as lesbians, including trans women and intersex women, as well as transmasculine, nonbinary, and other gender-expansive people. Lesbian hookup culture has always included a diverse range of gender expressions and gender identities!
Source: Tallie Robinson
There are plenty of ways to meet single lesbians and other queer people near you, both online and IRL. Dating apps can make it easier to connect with people nearby, while LGBTQIA+ events and queer spaces give you more opportunities to meet people in person.
Some of the best places to meet lesbians and other queer people near you include:
Dating apps like HER: Find queer women and LGBTQIA+ people nearby who are looking to date, hook up, or meet new people.
Lesbian dating apps can be a convenient way to meet people, but no dating app is completely risk-free. Using available safety and verification features can help you make more informed choices about who you connect with. Queer people use online dating for all kinds of connections, including casual hookups and sex without commitment.
Online dating is especially popular among LGBTQIA+ people. According to Pew Research Center, 55% of lesbian, gay, and bisexual adults surveyed said they had used a dating site or app.
Source: Shingi Rice
HER has over 15 million genuine and verified members, all of whom must connect an existing social media account to access the app. We take proactive safety measures designed to help you feel safer while dating and meeting other queer people online.
This includes a team of moderators who review and approve profile content to ensure your safety and comfort at all times. On HER, you can also make friends with all types of other lesbians by chatting in forums or attending local LGBTQIA+ events in your area.
Good communication during a hookup means talking openly about what you want, what you don’t want, and what feels good before, during, and after sex. Lesbian sex really is so much hotter when you talk to each other, despite what the mainstream media has portrayed. It can be empowering and rewarding to make sure you are on the same page as your sexual partners.
Source: Charles Deluvio
You can ask your partner about their sexual health, when they were last tested for STIs, and what safer-sex practices work for both of you. It’s also a good idea to talk about your expectations for the evening, whether that’s drinks, dinner, or more. If navigating the conversation makes you nervous, consider sending a message to ask these types of questions before you meet up.
Maybe you’re more of an in-the-moment type of lesbian. If so, take a pause when things start heating up in the bedroom to discuss some of these things. Who said anticipation wasn’t sexy?
At first, it might feel awkward to ask these types of questions while hooking up, but remember: practice makes perfect! When you communicate about sex and boundaries, you can help ensure that nothing unexpected comes up. This way, you and your partner can stay present and savor every mouthwatering moment.
No way! There’s nothing wrong with wanting casual sex without commitment. Maybe you’re newly single and looking for a one-night stand. Perhaps you’re non-monogamous or polyamorous and want a regular fuck buddy or someone to explore a new kink with.
Source: Colin Lloyd
Either way, you aren’t a jerk for just wanting to hook up with someone! However, communication is essential. If you’re just looking for NSA sex, it’s a good idea to make that clear on your profile.
Talk about what kind of connection you both want before you jump into bed together, whether that’s a one-night stand, an ongoing casual connection, or something more.
Speaking of good communication, let’s talk about consent. Consent is a voluntary, informed, and enthusiastic “yes” to sexual activity, and it can be withdrawn at any time. Anything less than this isn’t full consent.
Consent is an ongoing conversation, not a one-and-done thing. It’s always good to ask questions instead of assuming, and remember that someone can change their mind at any time, even during sex.
On the apps, you might ask someone if they like to talk dirty or want to exchange pics before hooking up. In person, that might sound like “Can I kiss you?” or “Do you like being touched like this?”.
Everyone should feel able to pause, stop, or change what’s happening at any point during a hookup.
There is a common myth that lesbians don’t need to practice safer sex. Maybe you’ve heard that lesbians can’t get or transmit STIs. This simply isn’t true. STIs can be transmitted during sex between lesbians and other sapphic partners, including through skin-to-skin contact, bodily fluids, and shared sex toys.
The good news is there are ways you can protect yourself and practice safer sex. If you are using sex toys such as dildos and strap-ons, use a new condom for each partner or when switching between body parts. Clean your sex toys according to the manufacturer’s instructions after each use.
If you have cuts or sores in your mouth, avoid oral sex. Dental dams are also an option, even if they aren’t necessarily a fan favorite. Remember that some infections can also be transmitted through skin-to-skin contact and shared sex toys.
Make sure to wash your hands before and after sex (especially if you chopped jalapeños). Feel free to use plenty of lube for vaginal or anal penetration, too.
Sometimes a flirty lesbian pickup line is all you need to break the ice. If the vibe feels right, try one of these on your next crush.
Yes. Some lesbians and queer people enjoy casual sex, while others prefer committed relationships or something in between. What matters is being clear about what you want and respecting each other’s boundaries.
Communicate your boundaries, talk about sexual health, practice safer sex, and make sure there’s ongoing consent. If you’re meeting someone from an app for the first time, you can also meet somewhere public before heading somewhere private.
Talk about what you’re both looking for, your sexual boundaries, safer-sex preferences, and when you were last tested for STIs. You can also ask what they’re into and what’s off-limits.
Yes. Some STIs can be transmitted during sex between women and other sapphic partners, including through skin-to-skin contact, bodily fluids, and shared sex toys.
Say what feels good, ask questions, and be clear about your boundaries. It might feel awkward at first, but talking openly can make sex feel safer and a whole lot hotter.
Dating apps like HER, LGBTQIA+ events, Pride celebrations, queer bars, and community spaces are all places to meet other lesbians and sapphic people nearby.
Robyn Exton, Dustin Brandt Howard, Mook Phanpinit, Jessica Serviat
Robyn is the CEO & Founder of HER. Find her on Twitter.
